sunshine and lollipops

Tea, for Two

2009-04-28T08:46:00.001-05:00

You know what really pisses me off? (I know what you're thinking, I'm not all that prone to actually, truly getting pissed off, but I swear it, this really does the trick.) You know what really steps up to the handle and takes a big ol' turn on Sunny's crank of ire? You know what makes me want to reach through my computer screen and ring some scrawny little necks?

Tea.

That's right, tea.

I should restate. People who drink tea.

That's not completely accurate, either. People who tell me they drink tea. (I think we have a winner.)

See, the thing is, most sane and logical people just don't bring their choice of beverage into everyday conversation. There's really no need. If I'm with you, most likely I know what you're drinking. If I'm reading your blog, I don't give a shit. If I'm reading your blog and you bring your beverage into every conversation you have at me.. well, I probably don't read your blog. Seriously. It's that simple. I've got more pressing things to read about. Like Julia and her computer problem, or monkey hats. They are genuinely hilarious, fun, and highly intelligent primates. They are also highly classy people, and they didn't have to tell me they drink tea for me to figure that out! I just knew! From their writing!

Now, it may seem like I'm picking on one beverage over another here, but there is a method to my madness. Tea is fucking pretentious. I'm sorry to tell you this, but tea is fucking pretentious. You know how I can tell? Look at yourself in a mirror and say the word out loud. Notice how your face has to actually make a condescending smile when you say it? Say it again. "Tea." Freeze your face after you say it, and really study yourself. See it now? This is why it's fucking pretentious.

There are beverages you can tell me about on your blogs. Heck, there's even a few I want to know about! Posting drunk? Please please tell me what you're drinking! I want to know! I want to join you! Posting about your jittery paranoia? It's ok! You can tell me you're on your 6th cup of joe! It clues me in to your state of mind. Tea, on the other hand, is for pussies.

People in England can drink tea. People in China can drink tea. You know what though? THEY DON'T FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT ALL DAY. Here in the americas, there is an unspoken idea floating around that Anything British is Automatically Classy. (This is not so. Have you seen their teeth? Not classy.)

For a long time in the US, people weren't very much into the british. We were busy starting our own country and killing off all those pesky indians. Ever since things have settled down on the exploring and the killing indians fronts, people started thinking that our friends from across the pond are pretty nifty. We love everything the british throw our way, seriously. Look at Ozzy. My point is that we seem to have a big old crush on the British Islands. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and some people have taken this a bit too far. With the tea.

I first noticed this phenomenon in high school. Lisa and I noticed many pretentious things going on in high school, because half of the people we hung out with were insane, and the other half thought that they were british. It was a confusing time for them. We had one friend in particular who was both. April used to walk around school, flipping her hair in our faces, fluttering her eyelids as she looked down her nose at us while she trilled on and on about her tea. (Then she went to Ireland for six months and came back speaking in a brogue for.. well, I can't say she ever stopped.)

I want all you people to listen up, and listen good. Cool British People don't talk about drinking tea all day long - they just do it. They are so incredibly cool, they don't have to mention their beverage choices. EVER. Please, take pity on the rest of us, and stop talking about your fucking pretentious tea already. Its not making you cool. Its not making you classy. Its making me sick.

Also, teabags are gross.

Day: Dude, I Totally Forgot

2008-11-09T10:21:00.004-06:00

Well, that didn't work, did it? I'm considering moving, I feel like there are things that I could use this blog for, things like getting shit off of my chest and whatnot, but I don't. I don't because it's not anonymous anymore. I also feel like a faker, I haven't been Sunny for a while now, my online moniker has changed and I'm better off that way, more comfortable in those shoes somehow at this stage of my life.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. Or where it will lead me. Or who I should take along for the ride, if anyone. Part of me wants to just dissolve my archives, or make them invisible at least, and just cart this to a new blogspot space. I'm not even sure how to do that, is it possible? I don't want to lose my archives, but they're not what I am right now.

I feel lost, nobody find me.

Day 6: Almost Forgot Already

2008-11-06T23:12:00.003-06:00

You've all been missing updates on Huck, haven't you? Not to mention the silly drawings I make of him.

Update #1: This is where he prefers to sleep when the weather gets too chilly. Too chilly for Huck is anything under 65°F. I caught him outside on his chain a few weeks ago, when the weather was still a balmy mid-sixties, shivering in a pathetic ball on the grass. Poor dog was not meant for Wisconsin winters. I'll toughen him up eventually.

Day 5:

2008-11-05T10:15:00.003-06:00

That's a dinosaur with an underbite, in case you wondered.

And yes, I'm happy with our country today.

Day 4: Guess Who?

2008-11-04T13:50:00.001-06:00

Day 3: Tired

2008-11-03T05:42:00.004-06:00

Half-awake and really hating the part of my job that has me getting up at 4:30 three mornings a week... And to think that when I started this school year I was excited because I had all "after school" shifts.

I was probably tempting fate.

Day 2: Nearly Forgot Already

2008-11-02T20:18:00.005-06:00

So, it's been a while, huh?

Did you miss me?

...

I happened upon a twitter about NaBloPoMo, and realized that if ever I was to get this damned thing up and running again, why not do so and hook my navel directly to the pressure zone and maybe? Maybe? Win something cool in the meantime. If a prize isn't going to motivate me, what will?

Don't answer that.

Hey, I'm giving it a shot. What more can you ask of me?

Day One:

2008-11-01T20:05:00.002-05:00

Earliest conversation this morning, with a couple of friends...

T: I'm so horny, I'd put my penis in anything.

R: Porkchop? (the cat)

T: No, not Porkchop.

S: A vagina?

T: ...No, not a vagina.

Break

2008-06-08T17:52:00.001-05:00

My absence has been caused by my grandma's death last week Sunday.

Overwhelmed

2008-06-03T14:13:00.002-05:00

I feel the need to purge. I feel cluttered, full. Surrounded. Too much happening all the time. I need to simplify. Condense. I need for things to be real.

Last night when I was wasted, I went outside and laid in the grass. I only do that when my life gets too busy. When I need a reminder that the world is vast and in all of my complications I am but a speck of dust in the grand scheme of life.

It helps me sometimes.

2008-06-01T14:21:00.000-05:00

Update:

2008-05-27T07:58:00.001-05:00

Did everyone have a nice weekend? Yes? Good. Me too.

/update

My, my

2008-05-20T07:57:00.002-05:00

I had an hour long dream this morning that seemed to go on all night long. I'm telling you, there were nudists and everything! (Turns out, I'm a prude about the nudist thing. Who knew?)

I got some fantastic news yesterday. Also one of the sweetest apologies ever, and I actually accepted it with grace (I think) and without denying that it needed to be said. Usually I end up protesting that nothing was done to be apologized for, but I managed to avoid it. I'm kind of proud of myself. Also really happy about the fantastic news!

B's doing his taxes, which is awesome because I think they'll stop holding my refund when his get done.

Updating

2008-05-13T23:13:00.004-05:00

I need to get a new book on tape from the library. It is not sane to listen to the same book on tape three or four times in a row, just to avoid crappy radio stations. It's just not.

My brother's bike is very uncomfortable. I think I'm going to resort to buying a new bike, however wasteful it is. I think my free money should be here soon, and surprisingly I haven't spent it all yet. I've wanted a bike for a few years, so that's on the list. I've also got a bridesmaid's dress to pay for, and I've got my eye on a camera. It is brown and came recommended.

Tuesdays suck for me because therapy at my first house is over before noon and my second house starts after five. That leaves a lot of free time in the middle wherein I can't seem to get anything done. Unless you count surfing the Internet and playing Lego Star Wars. Today was especially terrible because when I drove the forty-five minutes to get to house number two, I was told they were cancelling therapy. Thanks, dude. You just wasted my evening. Not to mention my money. I will get paid for the travel time, but it doesn't exactly even out. He owes me two dollars.

I sent off a surprise present last week and it was received today. I like sending people stuff.

I almost forgot! On the drive to the house-that-wasn't, I got a call from T's mom (see yesterday's post) about Mr. Farmer. Apparently Mr. Farmer has had a talking to by more than a few people about the proper way to treat strangers, which warms my heart a little. I hope this is the end of it. Mom asked if I was too traumatized to go with them on their Chicago trip. I told her I would probably be fine, just as long as she was sure Mr. Farmer wasn't invited.

Yesterday was my third anniversary. The day started with an early morning truck backing into the driver's side of my parked car (both doors are damaged) and ended with my getting reamed by Mr. Farmer. (And not in the sexy way.) Even if there had been a canoe involved, I'm not sure it could have gotten worse.

That's My Story

2008-05-12T20:27:00.003-05:00

My parents are on vacation this week. I thought this would be an awesome thing, but I'm disappointed so far. I was hoping for a vacation for me, too. It's only Monday, but we're off to a rough start if they were here all day long.

My bike went back to the pawn shop. The rear tire wanted to pop out of the wheel. I made it around the block without trouble, but I wanted to go further than that on it without a pit stop. Eventually. As of now, I'm riding my brother's bike. Actually, I will be publishing this post and then going on a small bike ride.

Today at my last house, some asshole made me cry. My family rents from a farmer who lives across the street and farms the fields around the family's house. While we were out riding bikes and goofing off, Mr. Farmer came across the street and started up the driveway. I'd never met him before, so I greeted him with a cheery, "Hi!" His responce was, "YOU NEED TO STOP PARKING IN THIS FUCKING DRIVEWAY!!!" I can't believe that some people make it to sixty without learning basic social skills. Really, I'd like to have a word with this man's mother. I think I would have probably been fine, but T (the awesome kid of awesomeness that I work with) came up to me very concerned and asked, "Are you sad?" So yeah, I cried. Just a little bit. It was mostly due to shock.

Secondary

2008-05-11T13:07:00.002-05:00

The most terrible thing in the world is to be completely in love with someone who is completely in love with you, and know you will never be with that person.

You end up desperate for something secondary, just to take the edge off of the big love you have and can't do anything about.

$20

2008-05-08T13:44:00.001-05:00

Sadinex?

2008-05-04T02:54:00.003-05:00

I have a hard time letting myself feel sad. Right now, I'm lonely fit to bust and tears are squeezing out no matter how much I tell myself that I am Not Crying and it just isn't healthy. I know it. I can't seem to help it.

The sad festers inside while I squelch it down, try to stamp it out. It doesn't go out, and sometimes it fights back and reaches the top again and spills out my eyes for a while and fills my head with nonsense about being unloved. Takes away all of my hopefullness. Reassures me that this, this lonely - this pointlessness - is what I'm going to be. What was meant to be for me.

Part of me knows that I should just let my body be sad, let it be missing what it had for a while. Let it fully take over and get the miserable out of its system but if I do that, what are the guarantees that the sadness will let the happy back in? Maybe the sadness will like the view, cozy up near the fire and dig in its claws. There is no Mucinex for the sadness.

I tried calling him tonight, just because I haven't talked to him in a long time, and miss him. Part of my price for (what? what did I get?) all this being miserable was my best friend, and that really hurts.

Wouldn't it be better to still have... something? Everything is lost to me tonight, and I am lost too.

I don't want to be here and I don't have the means to be any other place. I am cold and I want to be warm. I am all by myself.

Worth

2008-04-28T20:49:00.003-05:00

At my last house on my long day, I told him I had to leave and he ran up to give me a hug. He said, "Awwwww! When are you coming back?"

Yeah, that's pretty great, isn't it?

Pink

2008-04-23T22:42:00.003-05:00

I have been reading In a Sunburned Country, by Bill Bryson, and I am falling into a serious crush with the author's style. He has, according to the book, spent half of his life in the United States, and half in England. This explains his lovely accent* and also the lovely british terms and phrases he uses.

*I also really enjoy a book on tape read by the author. Gives another dimension to the story telling, especially in a work like this, nonfiction.

I am very happy to discover that he's written many other books. At least two of these are books that I've thought many times should be written. Seeing now that they not only have been, and by someone whose style and wonderful sense of humor I very much enjoy tickles me pink. I'm thrilled.

Someone remind me to buy these books: A Short History of Nearly Everything, and The Mother Tongue. Thanks.

2008-04-21T22:19:00.002-05:00

she: i have a problem finding guys who are mutually interested with me.
she: actually, you know what? scratch that. i think this is humankind's issue.

he: ha

she: it is so fucking rare to find someone you actually find interesting who actually finds you interesting as well.
she: at least long enough to have more than a couple of conversations with

he: I suppose.
he: kids these days

she: and i am totally vain enough that i cant get into a guy, no matter how hot, if he's just generically into pussy

he: ha

she: and if everything interesting about him is that he's interested in me, that's even worse.

he: makes sense

she: I mean, I am fucking awesome, but I pretty much already know everything there is to know about me.
she: so it can get you a little ways, but after that, you'd better be planning on some damn fine conversation.
she: that's reasonable, i think.

she: sorry, i bet you're still trying to get laid, aren't you?

he: hah
he: no
he: It is reasonable.
he: I haven't even talked to her.
he: You got most of the conversation.

she: is that a really nice way of saying, "You're talking an awful lot"?

From What to Expect When You're Expecting*:

2008-04-21T20:25:00.003-05:00

Cunnilingus is safe throughout pregnancy, as long as your mate takes care not to BLOW AIR INTO your vagina. [emphasis mine]

Please tell me this alarms you as much as it does me. Luckily for me, no one has ever needed this instruction (with child or not) and I hope that you ladies never have to resort to telling a guy you are not a balloon, either.

PS: I am not pregnant. I can't help but pick up this book when I see it lying around. It's so fascinating and alarming! Full of things I never wanted to know and yet want to be prepared for, should they ever happen to me!

Payback

2008-04-16T11:55:00.004-05:00

Can you imagine for a second how defeated I feel after blowing the third tire in four months?

Last time, I bemoaned the fact that apparently I looked like someone who is perfectly capable of changing her own tire. Only one person stopped, and it was a lady to offer me her cell phone. (Thank you again, lady!) This time, I think I was more irritated.

When this happened in February, my phone was out of area, and I think that was my main problem. I texted my brother (two and a half hours away) and asked him to call my dad (at work) just to see if it would be possible to get some help. I didn't get an answer (see above, re: phone not working) and decided I'd have to take it upon myself to change the tire. And I did, and I felt pretty damn good about it for the rest of the week. My dad was proud of me, it was nice.

Earlier today, I had barely pulled off to the side of the road and gotten the spare out of the trunk (again, my phone is not working) before an older couple in a truck pulled over and the man (I'm going to call him Walter) took the what-do-you-call-it out of my hands and knelt down to take over. Of course I appreciate their help. What I don't appreciate is their assumption that I needed their help. Now, I'm plenty lazy. I'm sure I would have let anybody who offered take over while I stood back and watched. It was Bessie's (I'm going to call her Bessie) constant comments on how, "You really need a big strong man for this kind of job!" and "It's good to have a man around to do this kind of hard work!" really chafed me. Just because I have a vagina and a set of bosoms does not mean that I am incompetent.

Of COURSE I thanked the couple many times for stopping. And I probably smiled in her direction as she made belittling comments, because they were helping me, taking time out of their day to help and do the right thing. And Bessie kept going on and on about how someone (Oh, excuse me. Some MAN.) had helped her one time and she'd tried to pay him (at this point, I believe I was hoping they weren't expecting me to offer them money) but he told her that someone helped his wife once and he was just paying it back. (If it sounds like a country song, well, it is.)

She laughed as they were headed to their truck, telling me not to forget to pay it back someday. I wonder what's funny about that?

Now, With Updates!

2008-04-11T13:18:00.002-05:00

- Dad's surgery went fine, he came back home on Wednesday and walked around grumping about things. So he's good as new, hooray! And most of the parts of his brain are getting adequate blood flow!

- I've got my new house tonight, the house with the little girl who can't talk. It makes me nervous. Dad has a habit (totally understandable but no less freaky for that) of hovering when therapy is going on. Therapy consists of a lot of mimickry of the nonsense sounds she makes, which is kind of on this side of embarassing to do with an audience. She's also very climby, which makes a person tired. I can only sling around a forty pound moving sack of potatoes for about a half an hour at a time without getting too winded to speak. Or mimic nonsense sounds, rather.

- The amount of time I spend driving and money on gas is making me pretty seriously unhappy lately. I want a job I don't have to drive for, with steady and normal hours. They usually don't hire for aides at schools unless it's the beginning of the school year, though, so I've got a wait ahead of me.

- I'm excited to go to a conference for autism at the beginning of May in Appleton. Not the least of which because I'll be getting paid for it.

- Mom is finishing up my taxes as I type. Way to wait until the last second, Mom! Also: Way to bitch about your free and painless tax preparation, Sunny!

Today

2008-04-08T07:58:00.001-05:00

Dad's surgery is today.

Round and Round

2008-04-06T12:00:00.004-05:00

I went shopping on Friday night after work and ran into an old friend's mom. That's always awkward. Espeicially when the old friend is one that I no longer speak to because he treats me like dirt when we do talk and I don't think I deserve that.

It's one of those situations where I feel compelled to send him an email every year or so (hmm, coming up on that time of year, come to think of it!) and when he gets it he feels compelled to tell me why I'm worthless and heartless and a low-down-rotten excuse for a person. It's way fun. It's like this though, I can't seem to give up on it. I think I have an imbalance somewhere. Called optimism. Plus, I've been known to get nostalgic when looking at old underwear, so you can imagine how I feel about old friends.

(If Bruce reads this, he will be sitting inside of his monitor by now, using every bit of the force of his will to tell me not to email this guy. He knows.)

That's not where I meant to go with this post, but there it landed. Where I meant to go with this post was, "I bought a pair of shoes on Friday and the silly salesgirl put them in a seperate bag from the board game I bought and then didn't give the bag to me. So I had shoes that I purchased festering in Green Bay over Friday night, and I'm lucky that I had to work there again on Saturday or I would have had to waste a bunch of gas for them." Much shorter post.

I should also mention that after working with the new kid on Saturday (and with two new people, as well), I was feeling pretty scared and unsure of myself. After talking with some friends and marinating in it for a while, I realize that I wasn't scared that I couldn't do it so much as I was insecure about how the new girls saw me. Which won't be helped by me having a lead therapist there on Tuesday, it would probably only make it worse. I'm sure I'll be fine. New houses just make me nervous, new people make me nervous, new kids make me nervous, and this new kid is non-verbal which makes me very nervous. The best way to cure all of that (for me) is to dive in.

Scared

2008-04-04T09:41:00.005-05:00

I had lots of dreams last night. Oddly enough, I think they all included my cousin. And one of them had to do with a prostitution ring. Yeah, that kind of weird.

Things are very crazy right now. Dad has been having what he calls "episodes". From what I gather, he gets dizzy and feels like he might fall down. He had a stroke in 2003 (or a series of them, actually), and went to the neurologist yesterday to see if they could tell him what was the matter with him. They were concerned, and took him in for an MRI. They noticed a blockage in his brain and scheduled an angioplasty, probably adding some stents. And then they'll go and shoot him full of dye to see if the blood is flowing freely.

And last week, I was all worried about Mom.

Threesome

2008-04-02T21:30:00.002-05:00

You all thought I was kidding in that Twitter, didn't you? Nosiree, I would not joke about such serious matters.

I think these days are probably behind us. I'm torn between feeling sympathetic relief for the slipper and Linus (and real relief for my ears! Linus was not a fan of the butt sex) and loss for the comedic side of things. Because really - homosexual threesomes with inanimate love objects? Wow. That's gold, baby. Solid.

Sick-Oh

2008-04-01T21:05:00.002-05:00

I am sick. I don't know the exact moment that it happened (mostly because I was sleeping), but I know that I woke up with a pretty wicked cough. A cough is a cough, though, and unless it's of the -ing-up-blood variety, I can usually handle myself at work. So in I went this morning.

After work, I went to Green Bay to figure out my size for the bridesmaid's dress I'm scheduled to wear in August. I'm a size bigger on top than on bottom. Thanks, boobs. You really enjoy making things difficult, don't you?

(Although, I talked to Lisa today and asked her to please tell me I wasn't going to be seen as the fat bridesmaid. No, she says, I will be the bridesmaid with boobs. Score. Also, the dress is somehow slimming, making this perhaps the only flattering bridesmaid dress in the history of marriage.)

After lunch (thanks Lisa!) and wandering around the mall some, I started to feel a little off. When I pulled out of my parking spot, I pulled directly into another parking spot to call my supervisor and call in sick to my second house. I drove home, feeling pretty loopy the whole way, and went directly to bed. I am doubtful about tomorrow, but we'll see. It's not like I can afford too many sick days.

Clean Slate

2008-04-01T18:44:00.003-05:00

He's doing just fine without them so far. Less humping, but it's still early.

2008-03-30T16:09:00.000-05:00

More Ducks!

2008-03-29T13:54:00.004-05:00

I think I like this one so much because it's so different from the ones I make with the kids myself.

Memories

2008-03-28T09:04:00.006-05:00

The streetsweeper was cleaning my street when I woke up this morning, and it reminded me of being a little girl. I have the clearest memories of running to the door when I was three(?) and standing behind the screen and waving. It was thrilling when they'd wave back at me. I used to get so excited on Fridays, garbage days.

One of the best things about living at home is having old memories right at hand.

In kinda freaky news, Mom had a dream yesterday that I had a baby. A baby with long dark hair, and I was taking her to work. Silly dream-me. Mom says this is the third or fourth time she's dreamt of me having babies. And then last night, I dreamt I was walking through a grocery store with a stranger and he had two babies with him and I told him I wanted one of his babies. He told me I should get a baby from his brother.

Yeah, weird. Anyway, I think Mom's got a long wait ahead of her.

Pizza Pizza

2008-03-26T23:01:00.002-05:00

I'm all cranky and down on myself lately. Gah.

When we did this picture a few weeks ago, I was SO PROUD of him for not lining up the toppings in any particular way when he glued them on. It's the little things.

Last

2008-03-26T07:40:00.001-05:00

Tonight I have to scan more pictures (Oh, I have more, many many more), because this was the last of the second batch.

New House, First Day

2008-03-25T07:54:00.004-05:00

Well, today is my first time at the new house (the house I picked up without wanting to a week ago Friday) and as usual, I'm kind of terrified. Luckily, E is not supposed to be violent, which was a major reason I was scared of the last new place when I started working there.

I've also had some dreams this weekend about working with her, dreams where I had gotten her to start communicating and expressing herself better. Naturally, that makes me feel pretty good about the way things will go. I almost want to tell her dad that, to maybe make him feel as hopeful as I do right now, but I have a feeling "crazy person who thinks she's psychic will be working with your kid" won't reassure him much.

She really is sweet. I'm not worried about her so much as I'm worried about training under the lady I'll be training with. She's a little scary-in-your-face. My boss called her "kind of pushy". Yep, that's about right. Hopefully I can just sit back and observe today. Cross your fingers for me.

Duh

2008-03-24T23:04:00.002-05:00

I was just looking through my browser history, hoping to find something interesting to look at (again) to pass the time, and came across the HP website. I had looked there when I was trying to figure out why my scanner wouldn't scan, to no avail.

Turns out they don't expect that you have forgotten to check and make sure that the the cord connecting it to the computer is, well, connected.

Good Deed

2008-03-23T14:37:00.004-05:00

Last night was crazy.

There was this guy at the bar who was all over my brother. He was very drunk. He said, "How've you been?" six hundred and fourty-three times. He said, "Yeah, I work out every day," thirty-six times. It was awkward. Especially when his girlfriend threatened us. I am too old for this crap.

At the end of the night as we were leaving, we saw him wandering the empty parking lot with not a soul in sight. He was trying the doors on random cars. I don't know what he was hoping to accomplish, but it was not going to happen.

We herded him into the car and started driving in the direction of his town. (Yes, he lives two towns over.) In the thirty minutes it took to get there, we asked him where he lived, if we could see his driver's license, if he could tell us his address... to no avail. It was like talking to a wall. A wall that said "Yeah" occasionally.

Finally, my brother got the brilliant idea for me (I was in the backseat with the guy) to rummage around in his pocket to find his wallet. I was less than a fan of this option, but it seemed we had little choice, so I took one for the team. I asked first, of course. He looked me up and down and said, "Yeah."

Great.

So I reach in and can't feel anything wallet-y. I'm really being careful, so it was very disturbing when he moaned at me. I grabbed his cell phone and got out of there pretty quickly after that. Brother called his girlfriend (who had left him at the bar, remember?) and she gave us "directions". No actual street names were mentioned. "Turn left at the lit-up barn with all the silos." That sort of directions. We were not going to get any help from him.

When we made it there, the door was locked and he couldn't find the right key, so (once again) brother took over and tried them, one by one. Eventually he got the door open, and pushed him inside. He stood there looking at my brother as if he was going to follow us back out, so Robby locked the door and shut him in.

Then we went to Hardee's.

He's probably got quite the headache today.

Money Talks

2008-03-20T23:23:00.004-05:00

The nice lady at the bank today wanted so badly to give me a written copy of my balance that I let her. A few days ago, I was sinking deeply into a dark place involving money and things that need paying (with a friend, because these things are much better with company!) and I think I managed to make myself a budget of sorts. If not a real budget, then a list of things that need to be paid for in the next two weeks and the total of those things. And then a seperate list of the money I have and the difference that lies between and the knowlege that that money is what I can spend or save (hahaha... stop, stop... you're killing me) and... wait. What?

That's a budget, you say?

Well, gee. Nobody ever tells you how much better you feel with a tentative grasp on your finances.

I've got enough money left over after the things I need this payperiod to buy a bike, so that's what I'm going to do. And maybe a basket for said bike. And a bell. Or a horn. You know, whatever will make it the dorkiest/best bike in the tri-county area.

Art

2008-03-19T22:50:00.002-05:00

I had a terrible art teacher in high school.

I guess I have a looser definition of art than a lot of people, I tend to think of it only as "beautiful thing someone created". Her definition of art was a little more defined than that, and she wanted us to use specific techniques and materials and conform to her standards of what a thing "should" be or look like. I took a couple of ceramics classes too, and he was the same way. I am very... free-spirited? When it comes to the things I find attractive. And I take it hard when someone doesn't think the thing I think is attractive is attractive.

All of this is a little bit of an explanation about why I'm so nervous about using the pastels and sketchbook I bought last weekend to actually create something. I have a fear that I will be "wasting" the materials on, well, crap.

Even if it's crap, though, it's crap I created. And it might not be beautiful, but it probably won't be ugly, either. I can make pretty things.

Maybe not as amazing as the stuff the kids and I create, but pretty enough to share, maybe. That's putting the horse in front of the carrot, though. First I have to convince myself that it's not a "waste" to use my new art materials.

I have to admit, though, that part of my hesitation is simply because I am enjoying the anticipation so much. Though I was never particularly good at art, I certainly did always love pastels.

Mmm, the schmeariness of them.

Elephant

2008-03-18T21:23:00.002-05:00

One time a few months ago at work, I was going through the list of animals what make noises and asking, "What does a _______ say?" when I accidentally asked what an elephant says. Of course I had to follow through, although I pity the elephant that sounds like the noise I made.

When I was at their house last week, Steve asked his little boy what sound a rabbit makes. When he got a confused look on his face, Steve said, "Buck buck bock," ala the Cadbury bunny. You know, I'm easily amused sometimes.

So I need new shoes. I'm leaning towards getting Crocs again, because I know they fit and they are comfortable and I've actually worn this pair out, which says to me I like them. Plus they come in awesome fun colors.

Awesome fun colors which make most people want to gag, I think. Oh well.

Shoes

2008-03-18T07:58:00.003-05:00

You know those people who can look at your footprints and tell you that the reason why your back is about to cave in on itself from pain is because when you walk, you put too much pressure on the outside of your heel and the inside of the ball of your foot and if you only walked properly you could be a perfect specimen of human and live until a hundred and twenty?

My old crocs are so worn that I can to that analysis myself, thank you.

In summary: I need new shoes. And I'm really happy that I can wear attrociously colored shoes at my current job. Blaze orange, here I come!

Baby!

2008-03-17T21:29:00.002-05:00

I have the cutest and sweetest nephew there ever has been.

I got to wheel him around Target on Saturday and his mom didn't tell me I was doing it wrong ONCE. This is big for her.

He was SO SLEEPY. When we left them in the middle of the mall, I squatted down next to the stroller and he smiled at me and gave me several fives. Sigh.

He's six months old and currently wearing twelve-month-old clothing. I hope I hope I hope he fits an eighteen-month-old sweater when it's actually chilly outside. I hope. Children don't grow exponentially, right? He's not going to get bigger faster the bigger he gets? I need some sort of scientific equation (and, ahem, someone to explain it to me) for reassurance.

Happy Monday!

2008-03-16T21:42:00.008-05:00

Tomorrow is a long day.

I think I'm going to call it a night a little early.

Last night at the bar, the DJ played a song that one of the middle-aged ladies with poofy bangs and mom jeans really liked. I know because after the DJ stopped playing, she found it on the jukebox and played it seven times in a row.

What song was it? This song. I shit you not.

Have a good week!

(eta: The song is "Low" by some hip hop dude. In case you have a sluggish connection or they take down the video in the future.)

Duck!

2008-03-15T22:10:00.004-05:00

I sent off my request to Rachel for pictures of us today with little Owen, hopefully I will have one or two to share when she gets back to me. If my brother were here, I would hit up his camera, but he is not. I am home alone.

Something has been bothering me lately. Lack of people to talk to.

Oh, good news - I think the 18 month old size (the size I'm knitting) will fit Owen really well as next fall rolls around. Unless he starts growing bigger the bigger he gets. Would that be exponentially? Unless that happens, I think we're safe. (Although I'm going to try not to wait until his birthday to finish it. I can do this before September, folks.)

That picture up there? That's the last installment of the first bunch of pictures. I've got more sitting on my desk, waiting to be photographed (or, you know, scanned... should I ever figure out how to work that blasted machine), so I'll be sharing more. Although I'm not sure anyone else finds them interesting. Do you? Find them interesting? Not that it matters much, because I'm going to keep posting them.

Somehow on Friday, I ended up scratching the corner of my mouth. How? I never remember the ways I get hurt. Such a terrible memory.

Plans

2008-03-15T10:03:00.002-05:00

Today I will be slow-cooking pork for BBQ sandwiches tonight. It was good last time, and the time before. It should be good tonight as well.

I really hope that my brother isn't planning on asking me for a ride back to Milwaukee tomorrow. That would really be awful. Mostly because I will want to say no more than anything else in the world. And am usually unable to do so. Actually, that reminds me. On Thursday night I had a dream that Robby asked me to drive him back to Milwaukee and I flipped out with all of the rage that I normally feel on the inside when he asks me to drive him home showing on the outside. I was so enraged that I'm surprised I didn't wake anyone up.

Today (while the pork is ~~porking~~ slow-cooking), Robby and I are driving to our sister's house so he can meet the baby. I suspect I'll mostly be playing with her boyfriend's older son, Anthony, because (somehow? In the past year?) I've gotten pretty awesome at hanging out with kids. Babies I'm still pretty unsure what to do with. I mean, beyond the first cursory, "Oooooh, look at his cutey facey-wacey! /funny face" stage. There is more to it that that, isn't there?

I have never changed a diaper.

No One...

2008-03-15T00:01:00.001-05:00

...better ask me what this one's supposed to be.

Tonight Tonight

2008-03-13T21:58:00.004-05:00

Do you like my new picture? I do.

Lisa had to bail on our walk tonight, but luckily just as I was losing hope my brother showed up. We took a lovely long walk to main street and back around on Green Bay Street. I talked to him about (what else lately?) work, and shared some of my very funny stories. I'll have to share some of them here sometime soon.

I'm kind of lonely tonight.

I Only Write About Work

2008-03-13T17:29:00.003-05:00

As usual, for the first hour or so after getting home, I can't pry the Linus off of me. He's like the Little Engine that Could of jumping into my lap. Well, sort of.

I sent some text messages from work to various people. I thought I'd share them:

"We're singing Rascal Flatts today. Therapy is fun."

"I ask: What happened to your nose? Answer: It got zits on it."

"My job sometimes feels less like a job, more like the most absurd babysitting gig ever."

This is the Quiet

2008-03-12T21:01:00.002-05:00

I've finished the back of the sweater, and am on to the left front. That part should zoom by. And then it's the sleeves. And then the buttons (which I already bought and then showed to Steve one day and now cannot find for anything - argh). The buttons I'm going to use are very cute, they are wooden and have a tiny checkerboard pattern on them. Subtle and adorable.

I know that Rachel likes the color, because in one of the pictures she sent recently, Owen was wearing a shirt of that color. Phew.

On Friday I'll be working my first PNO. It's an event my company holds once a month in Appleton where the parents of kids with autism (who are in the program) come to a dinner we host. The therapists play with the kids and supervise while the parents get some time off to hang out with other people who are in the same boat. It's pretty cool, and I'm glad my schedule works out for it this month.

Oh, and after they screwed me out of 1/3 of my hours, I'd be nuts not to pick up the few I can get with fun stuff like this.

What Does a Dinosaur Say?

2008-03-12T07:42:00.002-05:00

I have a feeling it's "Raaaarrr!"

Anxiety

2008-03-11T23:47:00.006-05:00

I've been having a lot of it lately. There's no real reason for it, and I know that, so why does it continue? The past week-plus has been riddled with it.

I used to get nervous, but that wasn't quite the same thing. This anxiety brings with it a whole new inability to make sense when I talk. A new sense of everything I've ever said being stupid descends upon me.

Life is strange right now, because at the same time, I'm feeling more connected to everything. More interested in taking pictures and recording things than I have in a long time. I want to share. None of this has been coming across in my conversations, though. It's like the more I'm opening up, the less I'm capable of expressing what's on my mind. It's all very frustrating. I can't take me anywhere anymore. I may have been on the brink of crying tonight.

There may have been a few tears shed, actually. How embarrassing.

The walks have been going nicely. Huck is learning how to walk at my side instead of pulling at the leash, and he (shockingly) only needed two demonstrations to realize what I meant when I said, "Heel."

It's a Fish

2008-03-11T15:39:00.001-05:00

Dad was confused by this one, so I labeled it right away for you guys.

2008-03-11T14:47:00.000-05:00

Stinky/Alarm Clock

2008-03-11T07:49:00.005-05:00

Stinky is so far unable to tell when two-minutes-to the alarm clock is, after Daylight Savings Time. I'm keeping track of how long it takes before he starts MEOWing to me at precisely 7:13. But! He does know how long fifteen minutes is, and will MEOW at me when fourteen minutes has passed, shorting me out of a minute of snooze.

Luckily, I've been sleeping pretty well, except for the last few days. Yesterday morning I woke up at 3:30 and had... you know those dreams you have when you're still half-awake and you know you're getting no zzz's, because in the middle of them you're angry with yourself for having stupid dreams about MySpace? But you're not awake, either? I did that for about an hour. Always a good time.

I'm pretty much able to sleep, but I had to train for it. Lots of mind-over-matter stuff with the relaxing and the not-thinking.

Sometimes I'm overwhelmed with the thinking anyway.

Home, Finally

2008-03-10T21:44:00.001-05:00

Today was long, even though I slacked off as much as I could.

Slacking off is much different at this job. Not nearly as satisfying.

You know what's fun? Playing with tennis balls.

Walks

2008-03-09T23:59:00.003-05:00

The first time I went for a walk for the purposes of walking, it was to find a good spot for reading.

I walked again today, Huck is in heaven with the walking.

He likes jumping on the ice-shelves that form on the edge of the sidewalk as the snow melts. It's very endearing.

Tons of Stuff

2008-03-09T16:42:00.006-05:00

Do you want to play the cutest little internet games you've ever seen?

Oh, go on. You know you want to.

-

I have to share this because, well, it's kind of amusing. Before Valentine's Day, Michelle and I and her children went to the store to shop for supplies.

On the way back to drop me off at my house, Bean asked me if I had a new house, and I said, "Yes, I live with Aunt Mary now."

Hannah took this moment to pipe up from the backseat, "You had to move because you couldn't AFFORD it anymore, right?"

Sigh. As my friend said, "Thanks for the salt, kiddo."

-

I am still working on the sweater for my little nephew. I'm finished with the lace panel on the front, and now I'm onto the back portion. Then it's on to the other front panel and then the sleeves. And then done! Hopefully before he grows too big for it.

Knitting is stressful.

-

I have some pictures of the art projects I've been doing at work with the kids I work with, and I want to share them with you, because I think they are amazing. They make me really happy.

This picture was made using the watercolor pencils I got for work. I drew the phone and colored it in, and then he used his fingers to "paint" with water.

Crazy?

2008-03-08T10:14:00.002-06:00

Sunny: are you as excited as i am about losing an hour of sleep tonight?

Lisa: ?

Sunny: what with the Spring Forward?

Lisa: i didn't know it was yet
now i am

Sunny: i'm sure you'll be reminded plenty at work

Lisa: luckily i'm off tomorrow so there's no chance of it making me show up at the wrong time

Sunny: are you kidding? I'm worried about Monday already

Lisa: lol
yeah, i think (i hope) i'll have the whole time change thing under control after a day of it
you know, asking everyone what time it REALLY is...checking all the clocks
setting 5 alarms...just in case
oh wait!
i think i'm off monday, too, so I'll have two days to prepare

Sunny: checking and rechecking your phone to make sure it says the right time

Lisa: i like to check back and forth from the phone and the computer
then call time and temp a few times

Sunny: oh, yeah, that's a good one

Lisa: tune into the news to make sure they make mention of a time change and i wasn't wrong about the date of its occurrence

Sunny: you really freaked me out by not realizing it was today
now i'm worried i've got it wrong

Lisa: no kidding
thank pete you said something
seriously

Sunny: like everyone is trying to trick me or something

Lisa: i've heard nothing about it until now
and todd didn't know either

Sunny: GAH

Lisa: now i'm scared

Sunny: your whole HOUSE wouldn't have known!!!

Tiny Bubbles

2008-03-08T00:34:00.008-06:00

Did I ever talk to you guys about my laundry soap? Yes? I don't remember. And (lazy again) I'm not going to check. I'm just going to pretend that I've got a whole new batch of people reading that weren't here before. Hi new people!

So anyway, last year in the early spring, I came upon a blog with a recipe for laundry soap that claimed to cost MUCH less and be extra awesome for the environment. Of course I was immediately interested and rushed out to buy the ingrediants. Here's the recipe. (Actually, now that I link to it, I'm pretty sure I talked about it last year.)

1 cup Borax
1 cup Washing Soda
1 bar Fels Naptha soap, grated small
1/4 cup Oxygen Cleansing Stuff

Well, it's been almost a year now, and things are going great! I can count the times I used more than one tablespoon of detergent on my load of laundry on one hand. I've made two batches so far for myself, and that's cost me a whopping (four, two, one, carry the nine...) seven dollars. And! Most of the ingrediants haven't needed replacing yet. I'd only need to buy a couple more bars of Fels Naptha to get another year's worth of detergent, which would bring my total investment up to nine dollars. And that is ONE HECK OF A DEAL ON LAUNDRY DETERGENT. Ahem.

I've been talking with my Aunt Debbie (who has a fancy front-loader washing machine) and she says it's been leaving some residue on her laundry. I have to say this has NOT happened to me, but I have a regular old wasteful machine, so I can't say for sure if that was the cause of the residue.

I CAN say that for as long as I've been using this detergent, I've also forgone my usual fabric softener for a rinse-cycle add of 1/4 cup of vinegar. (Which, lets face it, I am Lazy and so I put it in my Downy Ball and add it in the beginning.) You can flavor the vinegar with an essential oil, but it's not... (Har har) essential. Your clothes won't smell like vinegar. I promise. Plus, you shouldn't use fabric softener. Because it totally makes Mother Nature want to cry.

(Those pictures, by the way, are of what I gave away this year for Christmas presents to friends and family. The jars make me happy to look at. They are right purdy.)

Stinky Says, "Good Morning!!!", Too

2008-03-07T08:35:00.003-06:00

Pain

2008-03-06T21:02:00.005-06:00

We are teaching the numbers from eleven to twenty at A's house. The method that seems to work best with him is a standard "show a card, ask 'What number?'" approach. Today I was on number seven of ten when instead of answering or ignoring me A said, "What number?" He has many communication issues, and uses echolalia, but... I swear, I'm not being paranoid - he said it in exactly the voice I would use if some crazy lady would not stop saying the same two words to me over and over and over and over again... this totally taunting voice... and I couldn't help laughing. He joined me, and then I couldn't stop, which adds fuel to my theory that he said it that way on purpose. I wouldn't put it past him. I mean, I doubt it, but... these kids are amazing. You just never know with them.

-

In other work news, today I was bouncing on a giant exercise ball and A tackled me laughing and flipped us over backwards into a bookcase. Luckily I broke our fall with my skull. Youch.

-

I finished that book I was listening to in the car, The Lion's Game? I think? (My lazy is showing again.) Anyway, it wasn't as bad as Along Came a Spider, during which I nearly pulled over to void my stomach at least ten times. That's the number of times the main character Alex Cross says, "Finally, something inside of me snapped!" and then gets all verbally up in somebody's face. Or punches a dude. Really, it was terrible. I was on tape eight when I realized I'd rather not have anything more to do with it, but there was only one tape remaining, so I went with it. At the end of chapter EIGHTY-SEVEN, a character said, "The end."

Then the narrator said, "Epilogue:" and I died. The end.

Good Morning!

2008-03-06T07:58:00.005-06:00

Fresh

2008-03-05T21:23:00.003-06:00

Well, I drove past the aforementioned quiet hills and yet again resisted the urge to get out and roll around for a while. It's starting to seem like less of a good idea, especially after the dunk I took on Monday.

Huck and I went for a walk tonight, just a jaunt. I'm incredibly lucky to live within two blocks of the Mountain Bay Trail, and I should totally use it more often. For one thing, it is miraculously clear of snow and slush. Unlike every other surface in Wisconsin.

Huck wore his jacket. It was... adorable. He's very happy to walk. I am, too! It's a surprise, because I haven't done any sort of exercise in months and months (Hello! I'm Lazy), but I love to walk. And it was nice to get out in the brisk (ha) refreshing (haha) air and see Huck bounding around (as much as his leash would allow - not much) and having fun on the ice. But not on the trail! The trail was iceless!

Conversation:

2008-03-04T17:53:00.004-06:00

Self: I wonder what they're going to put in that new building?

Dad: I don't know, I haven't heard.

Self: Well... I suppose probably another check cashing place.

Dad: Probably an auto parts store.

Self: A dollar store.

[pause]

Dad: This town sucks.

Books

2008-03-04T14:18:00.006-06:00

Whale Season: A Novel, by N.M. Keloy: Somehow, miracle of miracles, I stumbled across this book (on tape) at the library today. I have a feeling (bolstered by a review on Amazon comparing Keloy's humor to Terry Pratchett's and Christopher Moore's) I will love it.

-

UGH, interruption. Mom is filing my taxes (thank you, Mom) and gah, I wish I knew what I was supposed to be doing in this regard. I am single? But married? I withheld as single, because back when B was working from home as an independant whatever, we were ill-prepared when tax time came and it was terrifying, so I like to tell the government to withhold as much as they possibly can. At times, I have told them to take EXTRA money. I am scared of taxes. I repeat, UGH. I don't like not knowing what I am doing.

-

So I do like to be alone, but when I'm alone I end up doing strange things. Today I went to the library and checked out seven books. I will not read seven books in a month. But I can't help myself from checking them out if they look appealing. Sometimes I just like to look through them for an hour or two.

Seven books. Where do I start to read seven books?

Two of my recent borrows are books on feeding birds (makes me feel about seventy), one on yoga, one on reflexology and acupressure (cousin Michelle's speciality, my thought is there might be something useful for the kids I work with), on book on gardening (A Blessing of Toads), and two novels. Jitterbug Perfume is Tom Robbins, which should be nice. I enjoy his style. The other was one I picked up while walking the shelves, it's called All We Know of Heaven and should be interesting. Different.

Freezin!

2008-03-03T21:16:00.001-06:00

S: so i was up to my shins in ice-cold slush this evening.

L: ?

S: yep, the kid who was playing in the snow in a field didn't realize he was standing on a thin layer of ice over a giant puddle, fell in, got his boots stuck, stepped out of them and left them behind in the freezing water
and then was crying hysterically and trying to fish them out with his hands
so i had to trudge through the snow to get to him and stepped too far and got in there myself.
he was worried about his boots, but i was worried he was going to freeze

L: was all well in the end?

S: yes, hes not frozen
neither am i

L: did you get the boots?

S: yes, haha

L: that would be suck
i'm sure it WAS suck for you

S: his neighbor went in her garage and found her dad's ice fishing thing - the strainer for the hole to get the slush out? and got out the boot with that
resourceful 8 year old.
yeah, the boot was the least of my worries, actually

L: wow, totally
it would have been the least of mine, as well

S: yeah
but he was worried hed get in trouble

L: did he?

S: oh, no! not at all.
he's just a worrier.

L: that's good
lol

S: like me.

L: we know how that goes

S: so after i got out to him, he's crying and crying and he says, "I NEVER SHOULD HAVE DONE THAT!"
aww

L: that sucks

S: i was like, "Well, what's done is done. Next time you'll know better. Don't worry about it now, we just need to get you inside and warm."
but he was still fishing around for his boot.
poor guy

L: you handled it like a pro

S: i'm cool as a cucumber, baby

L: lol

S: actually, i was flipping out
on the inside
visions of frost-bitten footsies were running through my head.

Snug

2008-03-02T23:00:00.001-06:00

Feelings

2008-03-02T17:38:00.004-06:00

I want to just be alone. Sometimes I think my loneliness is a mask to hide what I really want, which is to be by myself, the only person I totally understand and appreciate completely.

I want to be with myself in the quiet.

There are these beautiful rolling snow-covered hills on one of the drives I make a few times a week, where the roads are quiet. Every time I pass them I wish I could stop and roll around in them. It all looks so quiet. I want to be quiet.

He Must be Part Tiger

2008-02-28T07:27:00.005-06:00

Linus has always been a water-kitty. He's followed me into the shower from when he was the tiniest kitten. He does it to this day, sometimes I don't even notice until I get out myself and he's "drying himself" right outside the shower.

Last night was different. Last night, I ran my bath and walked into the kitchen for a minute (to get the stock pot full of boiling water, which I add to the bath, because otherwise I'd be sitting in water three inches deep and I prefer more, gah, this water heater sucks, etc) and came back to the bathroom to see Linus jumping out of the bathtub. For serious.

What a nut!

Pea in a Pod

2008-02-26T21:31:00.002-06:00

I'm sitting here highly irritated at myself for neglecting a specific instruction in my knitting pattern that I have been warned about countless times before.

I did not read ahead. I knit on, through countless repeats of the lace panel on this sweater (at least two, probably closer to three) and then read the fateful words, "At the same time..." Which means that I had to rip back what felt like half of the painstaking knitting I've been doing and figure out where I am in the lace chart, then figure out which repeat I'm on, then figure out all of the rest of it and AAaaarrrgghhh!!! WHY IS NOTHING SIMPLE?

I like simple.

PS: It's the Peapod Baby set from Interweave a few years ago. The pattern is free on their website, and I've been yearning for a baby to knit it for for a couple of years. Lo and behold, I have a nephew now.

90% Car

2008-02-24T22:23:00.002-06:00

Drove to Milwaukee today.

Drove back today.

Oh, and I did the same thing on Friday.

Weekend? What weekend?

I jest. Despite the driving (partly because of it), I had a fantastic time.

Day in the Life of: Me

2008-02-18T21:19:00.002-06:00

S:ok, so last night i realized i'd have to get up early and do stuff to get out of the driveway, right?
scrape my car off (10 inches is a lot, yo) etc
so i set my alarm for 6:30, 1/2 hour early
you with me so far?

L: on the edge of my seat

S: ok, so I sleep, etc
mom comes up the steps to wake me up, warn me that im going to have to get up early, to "prepare me"
i ask her what time it is, she says 20 after six.
so i automatically wake up pissed that i missed 10 minutes of perfectly good sleep for her to tell me something i already knew

L: i hate that

S: i really really hate it
so i get up, shovel my car off (yeah, i know i shouldn't, but it worked really well)
take a shower, start the car, let it run for 20 minutes like a granny
and i go to work.
i have to baja out of the driveway, but i make it to the street
I go to first house, all is well.
i go to second house
i pass the county line sign on 55 heading to Seymour and all of a sudden the ice and shit gets really loud and i think "uh oh"
so i pull over.
sure enough, my tire blew

L: no way

S: way
so i pull out my phone to call the house i'm going to and let him know i'll be late
guess what?

L: ?

S: my phone won't dial out, because i'm in the "Extended" area
so i sit there for a few minutes freaking out
and text message my brother
no responce.

L: good thinking though

S: so i get out of the car and look in the trunk, sure enough the spare is in there. Man, can i change a tire? I know the basics but ive never done it and it seems hard
lots of steps and nobody needs an improperly changed tire falling off on the highway
so i decide i have no choice and get to it
i actually figure out how to do it
amazing
and like 30 cars pass me as i'm sitting there with my hazzards on and wrenching lugnuts off etc and NOBODY STOPS
What is WRONG with people?
do I look like an old changin-tire fool?
apparently i'm such a natural that nobody thinks i could need assistance.
finally this lady stops and asks if i need to use her phone
and i'm like YES
and i call the house i'm on the way to and he asks if i need help and at this point i don't really, but i'm still afraid i'm not going to do it right so i say OK
and then it takes him forever so i've got the tire off and in the trunk and the spare on and i'm eventually just waiting for him when i get a call from Robby
he's called home for me and Dad's on his way, so i tell him to call back and tell him i don't need him I did it all by myself and he does
and Dad is apparently so proud he could bust and i'm pretty happy with that, you know

L: yeah

S: but what is wrong with people?

L: that's what i'm wondering
they'll stop for any other reason
...like to whistle at you and ask if you need a ride when you're just trying to get some excercise

S: anyway, i changed a tire all by myself in the freezing cold and with no instructions!
yay me!

L: good for you

S: so then i get to the guys house and he leaves right away and then comes back like an hour later with a tire for me, haha, and puts it on for me

Three Cheers for Linus

2008-02-16T12:52:00.005-06:00

As you can see from the lovely orange countertop and the summertime outside, that's Linus in the old house. Back before he was fixed, he was quite the manly cat, very handsome. Sadly, it all congealed when he lost his balls and started caring way more about food than about sex. Usually. He and Stinky both ate free-form style at the old house, whenever and as much as they wanted. It got a little out of hand, as you can see from the picture above.

Linus has been on a diet since we moved back home. Actually, they have both been on a diet, but Stinky looks about as chubby as he did when he moved in. Maybe that's why Linus's diet is going so well, they do eat out of the same dish, after all.

Anyway, I think he's doing great! Check out the slender figure below:

Happy VD, Indeed.

2008-02-14T22:05:00.002-06:00

There's something almost refreshing about being around people who don't celebrate holidays on the holidays. I'm not so great with small-talk, I think, and this way, I don't have to bring it up at all, pretend that I really want to hear about their romantic plans with their spouse. Especially when my plans were: go to work if weather is not too bad (it wasn't), go to other work if weather is not too bad (it wasn't either), text family members and mope about it being VD with nothing to do, watch bad reality TV, take a bath, go to bed.

I've got presents to hand out, but I have to wait until I've got some money to spend on getting them where they need to go. It might be a while.

Tradition

2008-02-10T12:58:00.000-06:00

Last year, my cousin and I got together and made Valentine's gifts for friends and family. It was the start of the tradition, so it makes sense that not everything turned out exactly as we'd envisioned.

My idea was a serving or two of homemade hot chocolate mix. The mix itself was just OK. Most people weren't prepared for the chili powder that gave it a more adult kick. The kids especially were less than thrilled. It maybe should have went out with instructions? I don't know. A friend of mine called it "brown drink" which, while more than accurate, still stung. I was determined to find something that wouldn't suck this year.

Enter the homemade instant chai mix. I got the recipe here and there are a few to choose from, all pretty similar. I loaded it up with spices and (this part is key) tried it ahead of time. Also, I let other people try it ahead of time. I find that a lot of the time when I'm excited about a recipe or craft or what-have-you, I am capable of completely blinding myself to any bad points it might have. (And yet, at other times, I totally can't tell how awesome something I make myself is, either.) Anyway, people seemed to find it appealing, even went so far as to compliment it. Nobody called it "brown drink". So it's a go.

Next year, I'm thinking about making a homemade powdered cappuccino mix? Single-serving warm drinks still seems to be a good idea. Mid-winter, who doesn't need a little cup of warmth wrapped up in a heart-spattered package?

Especially when it comes with fudge. Yeah, that's my cousin's contribution.

Enjoy

2008-02-06T21:53:00.001-06:00

Indexed gives us another great one.

2008-02-01T14:53:00.000-06:00

Conversation

2008-01-27T12:17:00.000-06:00

Me: sorry, mom was making me model a bathrobe from the 60's
He: happens
Me: does it?
He: to you at least

Hero

2008-01-22T23:33:00.000-06:00

I've gotten stuck in three driveways in the past three days.

I think maybe it's some sort of unrealized superpower manifestation. The most useless superpower ever invented.

Hopeful

2008-01-21T23:35:00.000-06:00

Here's hoping that this year is like March; I hope it came in in the opposite way to which it will be going out. In: sad, inadequate, degenerate, alone. Out: happy, whole, productive, surrounded with love. Not that I haven't been surrounded with love, but it's not completely been the sort of love I need.

Part of that will change soon, because I have finally connected with my sister. I can't believe it took me this long, except I can totally believe it took me this long. We're such different people, and only half of it stems from her being adopted out of the family. I'm over the worst of it, though, and I really want things to be good for us. I find it disgusting that she never met Bruce, for example. One of the many ways I know that one or both of those relationships were not healthy for me. Sadly enough, I'm sure that any inadequacies in that department belong to me.

I'm trying to blast up my year, my life. In some ways it's not working as well as I'd have liked, but in those ways I have no control over it, so it is marginally acceptable. I'm sure most of the people who read this are breathing a sigh of relief that I'm starting to count parts of life in the plus collumn again, after so much doom and gloom at the start of the year. In my defense, however, one can't start out the year feeling awesome if one wakes up in one's car at 6AM having tried to drive on railroad tracks the night before on New Year's Day.

That's purely hypothetical.

For those of you who don't know, or who read my site through a reader (Hello! I use Google Reader! Please publish your full feed!), I'd like to mention that I have a sidebar application for Twitter, which I update (somewhat amusingly) a few times a day. If I knew how to do a sideblog, ala: Kerflop, then I would and save us all the trouble, but I'm unable.

Technology

2008-01-18T23:26:00.001-06:00

inediblehulk: I can't wait much longer for my TV
inediblehulk: It feels like Christmas
Sunny S: haha
inediblehulk: Circa 1988
inediblehulk: Well, except for that TVs sucked back then
inediblehulk: And I'm taller
Sunny S: you didn't think they sucked back then, you thought they were the most awesome tvs ever
inediblehulk: But I'm like a kid who's counting the days
inediblehulk: Yeah
inediblehulk: You're right
Sunny S: but you were shorter
Sunny S: that part you've got right.
inediblehulk: And my NES was as good as gaming systems would ever get
Sunny S: totally.
inediblehulk: I don't even want to know how I'll be wasting my money in 2028
Sunny S: hahaha
inediblehulk: Hopefully they fly, whatever they are.

Text

2008-01-14T22:25:00.000-06:00

He: Woo. Kinda drunk.

Me: Wooo indeed!

Me: Java beer?

He: Bo's Vintage Ale... 22%abv

Me: Nice. Have fun.

He: Working on it.

Me: I can't seem to resist telling you to be careful--it must be my old age.

...

Me: You were supposed to deny that I'm old, cuntface.

He: Sorry, can't hear my phone in the bar, old lady.

Picture Disks

2008-01-13T21:09:00.000-06:00

I just spent the last three hours burning all of the pictures I have on this computer to disk. (Well, all but the last three months or so. Those six pictures are still at risk.) I was having panic attacks about losing all of that visual history, and I'm glad its been taken care of now. I'm relieved.

Or I will be, when I get it through my thick skull that it's all safe. Now I'm debating taking them off of my computer. Would that just be stupid? It'd free up so much space! But what if I lose these disks? Or they get scratched?

I don't know. Part of me always wants to simplify, and I think, "I've already got them somewhere. Why do I need them everywhere, taking up space?" and then I think, "BUT OMG WHAT IF THEY DISAPPEAR???" I think I'll probably keep them on here. Paranoid-brain is a real life-sucker, you know?

Generic Airborne Taste-Test

2008-01-11T12:54:00.001-06:00

Hey, did you know that when you work with kids, you're exposed to lots of germs? Yeah, it sort of sucks being sick all the time.

I tried Airborne last year to good effect, so when my friend told me they have a generic version at Aldi, I went for it. I figured that since I'm probably going to go through a lot of it, I might as well be experimental and try all three flavors at once: pink grapefruit, orange, and lemon-lime. Well, the verdict is in!

Orange: Ok, but kind of like a really disappointing Kool-Aid/OJ hybrid. Might be good fizzled into an actual glass of orange juice? I don't have orange juice, but maybe I'll get some and try this.

Pink Grapefruit: Actually pretty good. The best of the three. I don't like grapefruit juice, and maybe that helps. If I had something I really liked to compare it to, it might not come off so well.

Lemon-Lime: It tastes like the taste I have in my mouth after vomiting. It's very acidic and sour. I don't recommend this one. I'm going to struggle with the rest of them.

Anyway, just in case you ever need to try it, there you go. Go with the pink grapefruit. You're welcome.

For Now:

2008-01-04T18:44:00.000-06:00

Enjoy.

And He Will Use His Thumbs to Make a Space

2008-01-02T17:44:00.000-06:00

Hi.

Those posts down there need to stop being up here, so I'm posting something new.

I don't have anything inspiring to say, though, because for this chica, 2008 is sucky so far. Hopefully yours is going better.

Latest thing to suck: work hours cut by about 50% and big chance of benefits ending at the end of January.

You Know What? No.

2007-12-30T18:32:00.000-06:00

I'm not going to be like that. I have no reason to be like that. I have good friends (whether they live by me or have lots of time or not) and amazing family who will always support me and give me shelter and love when I need it, mush, mush, etc etc etc, ad naseum. Plus, the fantastic comments I got at the Sad post lead me to reason that you girls are all too spectacular to listen to me whine all the live-long day. So I can't guarantee I'm stopping for good, but I'll give it an effort.

Part of me is angry at Bruce for twisting the knife, I suppose, by writing about girls. ("The knife you stabbed yourself with?" you ask. Yes.) I stopped being a big part of his blog a long time ago, but since it played such a huge part in our early relationship I still see it as 'mine' somehow. Most of the territory I'd marked as 'mine' for him is faded, the feeling isn't that strong. I guess my metaphorical pee is taking a longer time to rinse off that particular area, that's all. Why should I be angry with him? It's his fucking blog, after all. He wrote it, it's supposed to be a fairly accurate account of his life, and I'm sure it is. Girls are pretty awesome, after all. Especially those who drink beer. I'm glad somebody realizes it. Maybe if it was the "best of the last quarter of 2007", I'd feel less pissy about it. I don't know. What I do know is that in a few years I'm likely to look back on this post and the Sad post before it and cringe at my own sensitivity to crap that doesn't matter anymore. But isn't that what a blog is for?

For Work: A Paradraw

2007-12-27T23:22:00.000-06:00

Warning: Sad.

2007-12-27T17:25:00.000-06:00

Today is a bad day.

Most of it was fine, but I keep getting hit in the face with things that are bad, or things that make me feel bad. Or things that make me feel bad for feeling bad about them, because what the hell? I shouldn't feel bad about that anymore! Or because, well, sometimes it just sucks to be lonely.

#1. I was struck in the car today on the way from one house to another that I am borderline depressed at my life not turning out the way I always wanted it to. I've done what I thought was best, all the time, and yet? Here I am, alone again. Back where I started. Oh, wait, now I'm three years older and much more jaded. Oh! And still technically married. I'm a catch, ladies and gentlemen.

#2. Just ran across Bruce's list of great things for 2007 and, unlike some of the other things that have struck me and made me sad and jealous in really sick ways on his blog since we split up, I don't think his listing of "girls" and "girls who drink beer" are really something I can interperate wrong. Nope. Why am I like this? So bitter and sad and wanting everyone else to be too? It makes me feel sick inside. I did this because we will both be happier. Why can't I be happier first for once? See? I'm a selfish bitch.

Anyway, those are the two things I can think of that made me cry today. I'm hoping to seriously lower my score for tomorrow. Seriously.

Olden People:

2007-12-13T22:44:00.001-06:00

Marc : But I need to go anyway, so may kill two birds with a stone, or just one. Either way, birds will be killed.
Marc : Stupid expression
sunnyfreakingday: yeah, what did the poor birds ever do?
Marc : Were people ever that stingy with stones?
Marc : I mean, who's ever said "I'd really like to kill and eat that bird, but I've already killed one bird with this stone..."
Marc : Of course, nothing from the olden days makes sense
sunnyfreakingday: yeah, those olden days.
Marc : Pop Goes the Weasel...what the hell does that mean?
sunnyfreakingday: i always pictured throwing the stone once and somehow magically hitting two birds.
sunnyfreakingday: like a rebound or something
sunnyfreakingday: which actually makes less sense, i think
Marc : Yeah, me too.
sunnyfreakingday: now, saving the stone and hitting another bird another day, now that makes sense
Marc : But I wondered why you couldn't just pick up the stone if you missed the bank shot and kill the second bird later
sunnyfreakingday: but, like you say, who's that stingy with stones?
Marc : I dunno
Marc : Olden people
sunnyfreakingday: oh, those olden people
sunnyfreakingday: i'm shaking my head.
Marc : Olden people sure liked barrels
Marc : That's one thing I've learned from video games
sunnyfreakingday: oh, indeed they did
Marc : And inns
sunnyfreakingday: yes
Marc : Did you tell you I'm addicted to an RPG?
sunnyfreakingday: no, but it's all coming clear now

Moody

2007-12-12T21:31:00.000-06:00

Every single month I get to the point where I'm almost crying in frustration, not understanding why I'm so down and gloomy before I realize: Hey! This happened last month, too! And then I realize, Hey! This sucks! But at least I know what it is!

Steve of the Yesterday:

2007-12-09T22:15:00.001-06:00

He: What does the "H" stand for, anyway? Heysoos?

Me: ...

He: [honestly looks for an answer to his question]

Me: Jesus doesn't start with an "H", man.

Both: [hysterical laughter causing tears to flow]

Steve of the Day:

2007-12-09T02:45:00.001-06:00

Me: "Who's winning?"

He: "I'm up by two games, baby!" [Making inane train engineer movement with arm] "Wooo - WOOOO!!!!"

Me: "Are you trying to be hot? Who finds train noises hot?"

He: "The women during the INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION."

Love Hurts

2007-12-03T21:38:00.000-06:00

They say love shouldn't hurt, but it does. It hurts for a lot of reasons. It hurts because if it didn't, you might not realize how important it is. It hurts because for some people, that's the only way it'd reach through their thick skins. It hurts to ignite the instinct to hold on when we get scared it's going away. It hurts. Love hurts, but in a way that lets you know you're alive.

Day FINALLY IT'S OVER:

2007-11-30T12:27:00.000-06:00

RIP NaBloPoMo!

I'm not going to write anything down for six years, I think. I kid. I'm actually liking having a record of at least one thing going through my mind for an entire month. It's sort of nice to look back, even on the bad months.

Day 29

2007-11-29T17:46:00.000-06:00

I told my moving buddy that I'd be ready to go at 6:00, so this is all the posting I'll get done today, chances are. I need a shower before he gets here.

Day 28:

2007-11-28T20:32:00.001-06:00

Drunk MySpacing is probably the worst and best thing that can happen to a person. Mostly the worst, though. Definitely mostly the worst.

I reconnected with an old friend last night, and it was the eerie connection thing like we've always had. Very strange, but also kind of familiar, you know?

My new favorite thing I've ever said: "Wow. I'm so thoughtful! I can't believe how thoughtful I am. What were you thinking?"

The responder responded with silence. The responder has no idea what the responder was thinking, and the responder regrets it deeply.

Day 27

2007-11-27T17:06:00.001-06:00

Most of my kitchen is now sitting in a storage facility in town. There it will remain until I'm ready to use it again, whenever that may be. The shed is only 10x10, so we'll see how much we can wedge in there. Hopefully, we won't have to use any of the Lake's garage, because the less explaining to do, the better.

I was not the talk of the Thanksgiving table, as I had feared. But we also didn't have our full Kiddie Table set up, and Mom joined us instead. As I whispered to Robby as she sat down, "Having a mom here totally negates the whole Kiddie Table magic." Then I spent enough of supper looking longingly at our missing member to get a kick under the table for being obvious.

Soon, the cats will move. Then goes the dog, and then goes me. Hopefully we get the rest of my stuff, as well.

Day 26

2007-11-26T23:27:00.000-06:00

It is late, I am sleepy.

As one of my kids would say, "Go A Bed!"