Today is a bad day.
Most of it was fine, but I keep getting hit in the face with things that are bad, or things that make me feel bad. Or things that make me feel bad for feeling bad about them, because what the hell? I shouldn't feel bad about that anymore! Or because, well, sometimes it just sucks to be lonely.
#1. I was struck in the car today on the way from one house to another that I am borderline depressed at my life not turning out the way I always wanted it to. I've done what I thought was best, all the time, and yet? Here I am, alone again. Back where I started. Oh, wait, now I'm three years older and much more jaded. Oh! And still technically married. I'm a catch, ladies and gentlemen.
#2. Just ran across Bruce's list of great things for 2007 and, unlike some of the other things that have struck me and made me sad and jealous in really sick ways on his blog since we split up, I don't think his listing of "girls" and "girls who drink beer" are really something I can interperate wrong. Nope. Why am I like this? So bitter and sad and wanting everyone else to be too? It makes me feel sick inside. I did this because we will both be happier. Why can't I be happier first for once? See? I'm a selfish bitch.
Anyway, those are the two things I can think of that made me cry today. I'm hoping to seriously lower my score for tomorrow. Seriously.