Sunday, December 30

You Know What? No.

I'm not going to be like that. I have no reason to be like that. I have good friends (whether they live by me or have lots of time or not) and amazing family who will always support me and give me shelter and love when I need it, mush, mush, etc etc etc, ad naseum. Plus, the fantastic comments I got at the Sad post lead me to reason that you girls are all too spectacular to listen to me whine all the live-long day. So I can't guarantee I'm stopping for good, but I'll give it an effort.

Part of me is angry at Bruce for twisting the knife, I suppose, by writing about girls. ("The knife you stabbed yourself with?" you ask. Yes.) I stopped being a big part of his blog a long time ago, but since it played such a huge part in our early relationship I still see it as 'mine' somehow. Most of the territory I'd marked as 'mine' for him is faded, the feeling isn't that strong. I guess my metaphorical pee is taking a longer time to rinse off that particular area, that's all. Why should I be angry with him? It's his fucking blog, after all. He wrote it, it's supposed to be a fairly accurate account of his life, and I'm sure it is. Girls are pretty awesome, after all. Especially those who drink beer. I'm glad somebody realizes it. Maybe if it was the "best of the last quarter of 2007", I'd feel less pissy about it. I don't know. What I do know is that in a few years I'm likely to look back on this post and the Sad post before it and cringe at my own sensitivity to crap that doesn't matter anymore. But isn't that what a blog is for?


Amy said...

Little secret - after I dumped my ex-fiance, I could still get into his email. After a few months I couldn't withstand the temptation any more, and looked -- and found out he was engaged.

It hurt, a little, which is retarded because he and I were never going to work. I guess it was tough because it seemed so, well, final.

Watching a chapter of your life close is hard, whether it's something you chose or not. Change is scary. And somehow the notion that all those men in our pasts are still pining for us on some level has it's appeal. :)

Jess said...

I like what Amy said. It is hard to watch a chapter close. It's hard to be there as the page turns.

Eventually, those feelings fade, though. Moving on, I think, is the next biggest step. I'm trying to do that, too.