Tuesday, January 31


Today was like Christmas in January. You might think it's a little soon to have Christmas again, but remember - we had Christmas on the 23 of December. So we're jonesing harder than most people. (Interesting note: I was tlaking to Lisa about our early Christmas, and she had early Christmas with Todd, too. We were of one mind this year.)

I'm posting pictures today, so no worries about viewing videos. [As far as the video of the ceiling fan? Bruce stuck socks on three of the blades. The fan was on. It was pretty funny. Jess? Do you have quicktime at work? That's the application that my videos load on on this computer. Just wondering if maybe you don't have the right viewer - it's a shot in the dark, though. Who knows. Can everyone else see them? Please let me know.]

First up, a picture of the yarn I ordered off Ebay a few weeks ago. It's Fleece Artist sock yarn, superwash merino, and it's fantastic. So soft. I want to make it into something totally special, right away. We'll see. I've got a few things I need to do first.

Secondly, I've had some books from Ebay in a package waiting for me in the office for a week or more. I couldn't help it, I was working hours identical to the hours the office was open. I'm such a bad tenant. Anywho, when I figured out that Mom had sent us some stuff, too, I was naturally more excited to get the stuff (literally piling up) in the office, but I was still working, so I didn't make it down there. This morning, the office called us and asked us to come and get it. Good thing, too, because I would have forgotten - and I know for a fact there's cheese in that package from Mom - she told us about it a few days ago. But again with the not being able to get in the office while it's open.

In any case, we saved most of the cheese: Wait a minute... what's that on the left?
Brick cheese?!? NoooooooO!

There are more fabulous things to come. As you can see, Bruce and I made out like bandits this year. Bandits, I say!

Word Cloud

Here's something cool I found over at Lolly's blog:

You can make your own Word Cloud at this website. When you're done entering in your website URL, it will look over your site and give you your cloud. Then you can right click the picture of your cloud, and save it and show the rest of us. There's a place to enter your email address, and I did, but I'm not entirely sure what it does from there. I would probably not recommend going any further than copying the picture, because I might end up having to buy a pretty pricey shirt from them for giving them my email. I just loved seeing the words that I use the most when I'm talking to you folks. I thought you might enjoy it, too. Show me yours!

Sock Sock Sock

We awoke this morning to a startling discovery. I took a video of the startling discovery. Here is the footage. Or you may click on the picture below.

Sunday, January 29

Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting

Fridays, however, are more in line with proving your status as a non-homophobe while meeting new hairdressers and getting pretty darned drunk at the same time.

On Friday, I went out with some friends (and some friends of friends) and had a smashing time. I even found a [Danger.]! And I didn't even have an old one!

This is [Danger, cannot complete transmission. Danger]. Someday soon, he will be [Danger.]. Or as close to that as I can reasonably assume to achieve with little-to-no [Danger.]. Hurray for [Danger.]!

There were many people there. One of them was Doug, who was very upset that Bruce didn't come out.

That is, until he started harrassing the gentleman who was harrassing me.

Which I must say was very gallant of him. Actually, though, I believe he was trying to prove that he was not afraid of men. I don't believe anyone thought he was, but it was amusing to watch him try to prove it, in any case. Especially since the provee was a little less enthusiastic about it.

Terri was much more receptive to his affections. Bless her little heart.

Doug was very gentlemanly to me all night. I mean to say, he wasn't the one trying to grope my thigh all night. He knows the awful wrath of Bruce. And by the awful wrath of Bruce, I of course am referring to my own temper. They are one and the same. The other guy would be smart to take note of that.

I also have a short video of Molly. She was a dear, as always. The canoes are forgiven, Molly, but we are not going "floating" again. Rule #1 in our marriage: No Canoes.

[Click on the picture of Molly for the 24 second video of her. It's very dark, and very drunk, and pretty durn funny. Please, for the love of Pete, if you are at work, turn down your volume to a minimum before viewing. (I know better than to ask for you to wait until you get home, because Poor, Poor Jess is without connection at home. PS: Where are you, Jess?!?)]

Molly and the Punkins

Now, for those of you who are interested, I've also updated my 100 Things About Sunny site. I'm nearing the #80 milestone. That means you'll know more about me than ever before!

Fancy Music!




The first two go together, you sign up for archive.org and then use that info on ourmedia.org - free storage of audio, video, and pictures. Basically anything you want. And then, and then, and then! This is the exciting part! You can post them to your blog! FREE! Without having to make up fakie email addresses which you can forget easily! If you're me!

So, doo doo doo, fancy music! It's so fun! Use it! Love it! Let me see your happy lovely faces! And also that third link! That's a scary dog, whom I love!

And PS: Did you see the fancy new things in my sidebar? And you Firefox people who have been the bane of my sad-ass-templating attempts, have you noticed the colors? The Glorious Colors? You have not mentioned them, and this vexes me greatly. Please tell me that I am fabulous. Thank you.

Thursday, January 26

Today Was Good.

I'm really enjoying our customers. I'm really enjoying Jon. This is working out famously. Too bad it will all be over in a few days.

Susan and I are really starting to bond. This is causing some conflict in my head-region.

Jon is an idealist. As usual, this makes him a little depressing to listen to. It's not that I don't agree with his sentiments - of course, in order to run a more efficient business, The Company would have to up the ante a bit. You know, do some general maintanence every now and again. Lose some of the more blatant beaurocratic bullshit. To J, the idealist, the fact that TC is unwilling (or more likely, unable) to provide for those things is reprehensible. I live on a slightly different planet. I tend to grin and bear it. Make fun of the things that irritate me, and move on.

I guess you could say I'm pretty tolerant. That which does not kill us makes us stronger/Laugh in the face of adversity/Make the best of things. Etc, etc, ad nauseum.

I could tell you many stories about how frustrated I was when I first started working at TC. After I fix my template.

Wednesday, January 25

More Pictures! One of Knitting!

We also took some pictures of other goofy things. And also some pretty things.

Those are the two places we ate at in St. Louis. The first one was mexican, and the second one was called something that I believe rhymes with Fritos. Please, anyone with a memory more powerful than a cheese grater let me know what the names were. They were fantastic, in any case. I highly recommend the mexican place (make sure you ask for no onions) and also Fritos. Get the lasagna. I almost died.

That's a picture of a water glass, and a picture of me trying out a wife-beater as a dress. I think it's longer than any skirt I own. Yeah, that's insane. Like my belly? I'm broadcasting this now, so you guys know - when you take a picture of me, please give me a "Gut Check" before the camera actually snaps. Thanks.

On Sunday, we visited with Mom and Ron and Grandmother. There was an incident with the wedding video, but not to worry, we'll work it out. If nothing else, we'll take around the VCR it's stuck in to show people! Kidding, we've got an alternate plan. I promise.

Bruce nagged and nagged me to talk about my knitting, but I'm really bad at talking about something that I think I have to talk about. Plus, usually he acts like I'm twisting the knife a little more when I start on the knitting part of the conversation, so I didn't like this prodding. Turns out, though, that Grandmother used to knit a LOT. One of her first projects is an afghan at B's Mom's house. Jean also dug out a sweater that Grandmother had knit for Bruce when he was tiny, check it out:

Tuesday, January 24

Ass, and Titties: A Contest!

This weekend, I had the pleasure of listening to a whole new set of music. You gotta love someone that has "Ass, Disc 1" and "Ass, Disc 2" in their car for your listening pleasure. Someone who makes CD's full of music devoted to the ass is my kind of girl. Abbie, I love you.

Neon kept blinking, but hopefully you can see her eyeballs. She's got such pretty eyes. Abbie posed for about five minutes with food on herself for that picture. I love Abbie.

OH! Take a good hard look at that poor Jessica doll, yo. Is that not simultaniously the saddest and funniest thing you've seen all week? Seriously? I about pissed my pants.

Contest: Email me with the most memorable line from the movie character that doll reminds you of. Abbie and anyone who's heard the story is disqualified. Tomorrow I'll post the story, and put the winner in the sidebar for as long as it takes for me to remember to take it off again. (Probably pretty long-term, haha.) I'll email you back and make you send a picture, if I don't already have one.

*Edited to add: Uh, contest ends when I say it does. Probably as soon as I have more than one answer, because that's more fun.

Monday, January 23

Guess What I Did This Weekend?

Freaking Everything. Seriously.

Friday night, we were supposed to drive to St. Louis to spend the weekend, but Bruce and I both ended up getting off of work late - he didn't get home until almost seven - and we weren't feeling it at all. Not something we wanted to do just then. I was feeling like I'd rather get wasted and embarass myself by talking over everyone in a three-mile radius, while totally misunderstanding conversations I'd started myself, and generally being a pain in the ass of drunks everywhere. Bruce didn't have anything better to do, so he tagged along.

I've got photographical evidence:

That first shot was a "Hey, let's just get a picture!" "OK!" sort of shot, which doesn't work well for me, as you can see. The second one was a "Hey, let's just take a picture! And make sure I'm holding multitude of chins, so I'm not looking all fat all the time!" So that's the result. If I hadn't shown you the before, everyone would think I was a little more put-together. But I'm not, so why lie? Plus, this is funnier. Other people were also there:

I have some videos to share with you, but I don't have time before work, unfortunately. You might have to wait until tomorrow to see those. In the meantime, though, I have some more pictures:

Of a Coke can and Bruce's dad playing guitar. Guess which one is which? Anyway, I have to stop. I'm only to aproximately 5:00PM (central standard time) on Saturday. I still haven't gotten to Abbie, and damn, we took some pictures with Abbie. Tune in for them, I swear you won't be disappointed. Even if you're looking for my gut. It makes an appearance, Oh Yes. And knitting! I have a picture of knitting, too! Don't go away!

Thursday, January 19

More Cowbell Buttons!

Hey, guess what? The Knitting Olympics are in full-swing, and we've got some lovely people online that are making buttons for the various teams. Apparently Jen and La have made buttons for several of the teams, and I thought I would join in on the fun. Not that their buttons aren't good enough, but who doesn't like having a whole bushel of buttons to choose from?!

I bet you can guess which button I'm going to put up...

Found Him

Or rather, he found his way home again. After seven this morning. Fell asleep at Cam's. Must remind Cam to please try to call when B falls asleep. Must get his new phone number, this one has been disconnected. Felt very disconnected this morning, when I woke up and he still wasn't here. Fell asleep knowing he'd be showing up sometime in the night, then had a dream that he came home and woke up at seven to the alarm to no one in the house but me. Linus doesn't count, because he bit me instead of making me feel better. So glad to have him home. Sorry for being a pussy, Bruce. Really, I knew where you were.

Wednesday, January 18

Dear The Husband,

I can't seem to find you. I tried calling that one *new* number, and it says it was disconnected. Have you run away? Are you hiding? Do you remember that you have to work in the morning? Didn't you say you'd be home early? Early is as early does, Mr., and you're not catching any worms.

I highly doubt you'll be reading my blog before you come home. Either you're at a friend's house, possibly drunk, or you've run away from home. I hope it's not the latter, because no way is twelve hours a week (Or even seventeen. Did I tell you guys? They're totally giving me five more sweet hours per week as of Februrary. I always doubt the quantity of R's in that month. I should just spell it Frerbrurary and get it over with.)... Anyway, there's no way in hell that seventeen (sweet) hours a week will pay for our rent.

Good thing you took the car, that would totally be reposessed had you left it with me when you ran away.

Anyway. I hope you come home soon, or, alternatively, live a full and happy life. Full enough for alimony, that is.

The Wife

Prospects: HFG or BO

Here's the question. When I bought the Pattern for the Green Ones, I also bought the Hanging Garden Lace Stole pattern, because I have some plain (BEAUTIFUL) lace-weight pink merino yarn that I bought right before Christmas. (Remember? Yeah, the pretty pink stuff.)

The question is, do you think the HGS is going to look alright in hot pink? I think it will, but the pattern is making me a little bit woozy, so I thought I'd give you all a backup option.

The Branching Out scarf is pretty, smaller than the HGS, and I'm pretty sure I might be able to do it within 16 days. But no guarantee, I've never tried anything like it before.

I'm leaning towards the HGS, because it's interesting and cool and looks like there's no way in hell I'd ever get it done in 16 days. Then I step back, take a deep breath and realize I'm reading my own damned blog, and that I don't want to put myself through it and decide that the BO scarf is definitely more sane.

What do you think? I want all of your opinions so that I can totally ignore them and decide on something not even on the list at the last possible second. Come on, it's important to me!

Monday, January 16

Knitters, Start Your Engines!

So, here's the deal. Our illustrious Yarn Harlot is hosting a little contest. To win (and she's very magnanimous - if you finish, you're a winner), you must cast on for a new project after the olympic torch is lit, and finish it before the flame is put out. Here's the catch - it's got to be a project that's a challenge for you as a knitter. Something you haven't knit before, something that's a little bit of a stretch for you, would be perfect. It depends on your own personal level as a knitter, but it has to be something that's a little bit of a challenge. That means no dishcloths, Lisa. You've got to learn something new for this one, that's half the fun. You can't cast on early, either.

If you finish your project before the Olympics are over, you win a fancy gold medal button for your blog, to show the whole world that you're a winner. (I'm really liking this "everyone's a winner", "challenge yourself as a knitter" mentality, competition does terrible things to my complexion.) Good luck!

I think I have my project in mind... Lace, anyone?

Ramblin' Rose

I'm still living with limited access to the internet. By which I mean I have no way of getting to all of the blogs I have bookmarked on my computer. I'm distraught.

And yet, at the same time, so happy! Because I will have hours of wonderful reading when I get the internet on my computer again!

Jessica was here on Sunday, and I learned that she and I are almost eerily similar. I won't speak for her, but I know how I react to having a new person around, when it's a person I want to like me. In the case of Jess, this was only the second time we've met in person - and yet, we've been reading each others' blogs for a year and a half.

I will be fair here and say that almost all of the pressure I feel is pressure I put on myself for no good reason.

When I have that "Golly gosh, I sure hope she likes me," feeling, I get very manic. At times when I was out shopping with Jess (we went yarning, because she's learning to knit!), I would get so excited while telling a story that I would have to remind myself to breathe and not talk at the speed of light (sound?). It was funny, because I caught her doing the same thing*.

We got a lot of story-telling accomplished, and some girly-movie-watching, but I only showed her the most basic of the basics of knitting. She did buy some how-to books, though, and I told her that she can call or send me an email anytime she's confused and can't find an answer for her question. (Hey Jess? This is an awesome site, and they have little movies that show you how to do things. Awesome.)

We went out to eat tonight at a new restaurant in the 'Patch. Ludwig's Roadhouse* is pretty damn good. I recommend it. Highly. Ask for Sarah, she was an awesome server.

*Yes, I still like you. I think I even like you better than ever!!!*** You need to come here more often.

**Alright, you caught me. I forgot the name already.

***Totally not said to prod you into saying the same thing.****

****Maybe just a little.

Saturday, January 14

Guffaw, Guffaw! And Technical Advice! I'm so Employable!

I applied at Fetch! Pet Care last weekend. Bruce was looking for jobs in the St. Louis area (you know, for fun. La-la-la, I'm not listening to your begging us to move, la-la-la) and saw an ad on Craig's List for the company. Of course he sent it to me, and when I saw they had an outpost right here in the Patch, I applied right away.

Ok, so I left the page with the "Click here to Apply" link on it open on my computer for two days while I screwed up the courage to open myself up to rejection. I'm suave like that. But eventually, I applied.

I just got a call from one of the women there. It was approximately the most hysterical and odd phone conversations of my life. Let me say first, I'm not a good person to talk to on the phone. Unless I've known you for a while and talked to you many times in person, you may not want to even attempt to talk to me on the telephone. I don't understand it, either. At work, I'm fine. I can talk on the phone all day long at work, call people even. When it's personal, though, that's when I get into trouble. It's like an asthma attack. With hysterics. And muscle-tension. The first symptom is my shoulders - they crawl up into my ears. And I adopt an insane grin. If I wore this grin in public, people would cross the street to avoid me. I'm manic. There's this giant moist hairball that rises in my throat, until I can hardly breathe, and the manic laughter barely escapes, and my voice goes an octave higher than it should be. Linus runs in fear.

This phone call was worse than most, because it was a potential employer on the other end.

She called to let me know she'd gotten my application and said that she would have emailed me, but I didn't leave my email address on the application. My answer, "I, um.. Forgot?" led to much Guffawing laughter on her end. And because I'm manic on the freaking phone, I Guffawed right along with her. It was way awkward. Let me tell you.

Then she asked how I heard about their business, and I told her that I was looking online and happened across it. I told her that I saw an ad for the St. Louis company, and noticed on their webpage that they had a business here in the Patch as well. That was great! But then she noticed that my phone number has a St. Louis area code, and wondered why. So I told her about us having Vonage and how much it rocks if you've got high-speed internet. She told me about how she'd had a similar service, and how it wasn't the most reliable, and I reassured her that Vonage was incredibly reliable, and tried to explain about our apartment complex, and the free wireless internet they offer. She asked me if the internet was a service of Vonage, and I told her no. She said, "Well, that's good, because otherwise, everytime that Vonage went down, you couldn't get online!" and Guffawed some more. I Guffawed right with her. 'Wouldn't that be funny?' I asked myself. 'Wouldn't it just frustrate you to no end?'

And then we conversed about my email address, and she got confused about the '@gmail' portion. "What's G-mail?" she asked. So I explained it to her - large storage, free, etc. She told me her Yahoo! address had 1Gig of storage. I speculated that Yahoo! had upped their storage capacity to compete with Gmail. She asked me how much storage Gmail had, and I answered her after logging in and checking. "2,684 megabytes," I answered.

"So, that's like 2 Gigs, right?"

"Uh.. I don't know... Well, it's a LOT!" I answered convincingly.

She proceeded to Guffaw a whole lot more, and I Guffawed right along with her. We concluded that we're not "math people", but that it didn't matter so much.

She's not hiring at this time, but she will keep my application on file for the near future - they're foreseeing a big rise in need in the dog-watching industry here in the Patch.

I make fun of myself only, you understand. By Guffaw, I mean that she laughed with her whole body, and I could tell over the phone. She's entirely the sort of boss I'd be happier than a pig in shit to work with, and I hope that I gave her the same impression. In any case, she won't forget me soon. That's for sure.

Reality Check

At some point in my cleaning the house for company, I inevitably come to the decision that it's pompous of me to try to make my home into something it's not. I convince myself that by putting my house into an order that disobeys everything that I stand for as a person is dishonest and wrong, and that I should instead be zen about the way I live. I decide to let things be.

And then I take a look around, realize that no one in their right mind would choose to live like this, my mother's genes scream at me from the recesses of my brain, and I clean some more.

Thursday, January 12

Internet: 1 Sunny: 0

There is no rhyme or reason for this, but my computer (not to be confused with Bruce's computer, which is what I'm posting from right now) is not connecting to the internet. This alarms me, because my computer is networked through B's.

We get free wireless internet at this apartment complex, so when we gave up on cable, B bought a wireless card for his computer. Because we have a router from the fine folks at Vonage, we used that to hook up my computer as well. His computer is connected. The router is connected. My computer says it's connected... and then refuses to have anything to do with the internet whatsoever. I'm perty gull-durn pee-oh'ed, I tell ee'whhut.

Anyway, if I'm slow to post or don't seem to be responding to your emails, or if all of a sudden I'm not leaving comments on your blog, it's because my husband is hogging all the internet to himself.

That is all.

Wednesday, January 11

Quick! Get Thee to Ebay!

I remember old people being really pissed the first time this happened. Best get your things bought while you still can! Before it costs you more than the item you're sending!

And what's with this damned "miscellanious account"? I suspect they're making money for building a people-growing plant so all the rich fuckers in the world can grow a clone of themselves and then when something goes wrong, they can kill the clone and have a replacement part put in. What? You think the government doesn't get ideas from movies? Then explain this!

Things to do today:

  • Knit. (I can probably mark this one off already.)

  • Find out if Jessica wants to sleep over on Saturday (if she decides not to go dancing) or Sunday (if she decides to.. go dancing), cause we've got an awesome couch and stuff to do and then she won't have to drive so much in one day. Linus asked if we were having a sleepover party, and I don't want to disappoint him. He said if she says yes, we can totally do each others' hair. Awesome. (Done. Wow, this list thing is easy!)

  • Clean another room. Although it's awesome that I cleaned the bedroom, I don't think it will impress Jessica. It's not as though we're having that kind of visit.

  • Watch Project Runway.

  • Fuck around with my template. I want it to work in firefox, too, and it just isn't happening. I bet I can fix it, though.
Phew, busy day ahead of me.

Tuesday, January 10

"Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure."

[Note: Apparently, this has been going on for quite some time. I'm disappointed in you people. Why did no one tell me? This makes it even better.]

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, 'Bang!'

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "'Never question Chuck Norris.'

Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved.

When Dr. Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets angry, he turns into Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

and of course, my favorite:

Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Making Sweet, Sweet Love

Since my last video of Linus was quite the hit, if I do say so myself, here's another one. Enjoy.

[The sound in this one is more than in the last - that is to say, I'm mumbling more than I was in that one, and talking for the cat. Don't be alarmed, talking for the cat is something we just do in this house. It's a very cheap form of entertainment, ok? Ok. Don't turn the sound on, if you're at work. It's nearly as amusing without audio enhancement.]

Share Video at DropShots.com

Take note, if you will, of the fact that Linuses really really want to make sweet, sweet love to yarn. Also, notice how I torment him at the very end. And the amusing confusion it brings about in him.

PS: Bruce is playing A Perfect Circle tonight, and I love it. Very much.

Monday, January 9

Open Letters

Dear Linus,

Could you please try to puke in the kitchen next time? That way Mama won't have to pick you up mid-heave and ruin the momentum you've got going. Also, just a heads-up: I think the water in the bowl is actually less disgusting than the water standing in the pots and pans in the sink. You might want to puke less if you drank real water.


Dear The Husband,

I love you, and I was thrilled to no end when you did laundry yesterday. You made my week, thank you.

The Wife

PS: Next time, could you maybe sort my underwear into the same pile as yours? You know, so they get done when yours do? If not, that's ok. It's not a prerequisite for doing laundry, just a thought.

Sunday, January 8


So, really, I just wanted to bump the post about penises further down. But look!

Windjammer Cruises! Wow. I totally want to go on one.

Isn't it beautiful? This time of year, I always start thinking about vacations.. I want to go somewhere pretty and sunny and with a lot of beach. Gotta have the beach.

Lisa just invited us with her for Mardi Gras. We'll have to think about that, but hopefully we'll be able to. It would be nice to support them after all their troubles this year - I bet they really need the tourist money.

Saturday, January 7

You Know What? I'm Against It.

I'm looking into information about circumcision, just because. Please let me know your opinions on the topic, and your reasons why.

Just so you know, religious reasons will be mostly ignored, as they do not apply to my family (we are not religious by any stretch of the imagination), and "so he looks like his father" excuses will be cold-heartedly shunned (because it's a weak excuse).

If you have any scientific reasons for or not-for, I'd love to hear them. If you have any links handy which explain why it may (or may not be) necessary, please include them. I'd like to read about it.


Dude, I'm Totally that Fast-Witted Reporter Lady I Always Had a Crush On!

John Wayne
You scored 33% Tough, 23% Roguish, 23% Friendly, and 19% Charming!

You, my friend, are a man's man, the original true grit, one tough talking, swaggering son of a bitch. You're not a bad guy, on the contrary, you're the ultimate good guy, but you're one tough character, rough and tumble, ready for anything. You call the shots and go your own way, and if some screwy dame is willing to accept your terms, that's just fine by you. Otherwise, you'll just hit the open trail and stay true to yourself. You stand up for what you believe and can handle any situation, usually by rushing into the thick of the action. You're not polished and you're not overly warm, but you're a straight shooter and a real stand up guy. Co-stars include Lauren Bacall and Maureen O'Hara, tough broads who can take care of themselves.

Find out what kind of classic dame you'd make by taking the Classic Dames Test.

Link: The Classic Leading Man Test written by gidgetgoes on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Rosalind Russell
You scored 21% grit, 47% wit, 28% flair, and 11% class!

You are one wise-cracking lady, always quick with a clever remark and easily able to keep up with the quips and puns that come along with the nutty situations you find yourself in. You're usually able to talk your way out of any jam, and even if you can't, you at least make it more interesting with your biting wit. You can match the smartest guy around line for line, and you've got an open mind that allows you to get what you want, even if you don't recognize it at first. Your leading men include Cary Grant and Clark Gable, men who can keep up with you.

Link: The Classic Dames Test written by gidgetgoes on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Friday, January 6

Action Cat!

Since we all know you guys can't get enough of my cat, I thought I'd share a little video taken this morning. You used to think I was imagining things when I called him crazy, but now you can see the proof for yourselves: [Note: There is sound, but it's not very loud. And it's not completely necessary, unless you want to hear my sexy breathy laughter.]

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Please enjoy the way Linuses routinely scare themselves. Also the way that the owners of Linuses try to contain their laughter, but just plain can't because their cat is so freaking hillarious. I hope you liked it!

So, a Momma Tomato and a Papa Tomato and a Baby Tomato Are Walking Down the Street...*

Last night I had a dream that B and I were preparing to eat french fries, and he was putting catsup on his plate.

In the dream, I yelled at him for using too much catsup. I was seriously pissed that his little pile of a tomato-based condiment was too big. How dare he?!

I'm scared at what this says about me as a person.

Why do I only remember the dreams like this?

*Just in case I have any readers who've been in a bomb shelter without television, or who have just woken from a 15 year coma or something, it's a joke from Pulp Fiction. The punchline is Catsup.

Wednesday, January 4

Hey, I Know Them!

"Trio 'Home' for more than holidays By Nathan Falk, Leader Reporter

Three Shawano area friends are living their dream in Denver — composing and performing their own music.

The trio of Matt Robertson, Zach Mace and Jeff Prah make up a band called ‘Home,’ and all three recently were back home in Shawano to share their music.

“I get to do what I love with my best friends everyday,” said Mace.

The band played on Dec. 22 at The Downtowner, Dec. 23 at The Sandbar, and Dec. 26 at Luigi’s.
Prah, a 1998 SCHS graduate, is a vocalist, performs spoken word poetry, and contributes to the lyrics. Robertson, a 1999 SCHS graduate, is a vocalist and plays cello, guitar, and mandolin. Mace, a 2000 graduate of Lourdes Academy in Oshkosh, plays solo acoustic guitar, mandolin, banjo and is also a vocalist. Mace’s family moved to Shawano just after he graduated from high school.

“Matt and I met when I was a freshman and he was a sophomore at UW-Stevens Point. I was going to school for musical theatre and he was going for cello,” said Mace. “We kept running into each other, and we’d play music every night in the dorms together. We were in separate bands at the time, and didn’t get to play together all that often. I moved to Denver and I’ve been begging these guys to come out for the longest time, and got Matt and Jeff to move out here a couple months ago.”

It's a Contest!

This is a great meme. Go to Yahoo! Avatars and make the grossest, most vile image you can. Then post it to your blog. It's the most fun I've had in a long time. Check out the holiday mishaps happening in mine:

(Your image link will look like this:

img src= "http://lookup.avatars.yahoo.com/wimages?yid=________&size=large&type=jpg

wherein the _______ is your Yahoo! ID. Make sure you put it into the proper brackets <>. Also make sure to place parenthesis around the link.)

And then go to JenLa and post a link to your post in the comments.

This is one for the ages, folks. Ugliest avatar wins!

Mail Time

I bought some stuff on Ebay a while back, and I've been wondering where in the Blue Fuck it went to. When I went to the mailbox this afternoon, this is what I found:

Is that the funniest note you've ever seen? I'll give you a minute to look it over.


Done? Did you notice the strange wording? Did you notice that it was signed, "Mail Carrier"? How politically correct! Kudos to you, Mail Carrier whose name I do not know! Did you notice they abbreviated my last name? Which is great for the blog, of course, but it looks a little generic, don't you think? Considering that, as my Mail Carrier, they've got my name written down right in front of them? And finally, it was written on a freaking NAPKIN! How's that for MAKING MY FUCKING DAY with the funny?!


When I was surfing Ebay on Christmas Day, I happened to see that there were a lot of items up for sale which no one had bid on, with only a few seconds remaining. Of course, I bid on everything I could find for >$1.00, more or less. That's how I ended up with all this reading material for less than $20.00:

Note to self: Check Ebay on major christian family holidays.

Note to self: Don't sell on Ebay right before major christian family holidays.

Oh, and look what else I got? It's an audio book for me to listen to while I'm knitting. And it's READ BY THE AUTHOR.

Isn't that great? All those packages all at once, and I didn't even pay very much for them. I'm so happy. I'm even forgiving the fact that the Mail Carrier didn't write down who's office the packages were in, and that I misunderstood her to mean I had to go to the post office to retrieve them. And then come back home and go to the apartment manager's office. Where they were. It's all good, just look how much stuff I have that I didn't have before. I'm in bookworm heaven. ChickLit heaven, even. The Oprah's Book Club book was a tag-along, I swear it. I got it in a pack of four other books I bid on for 99¢. Please let me stay in the cool kid club.

As if all this wasn't enough, I also got a letter from Elann. Apparently, I signed up for something one time when I was drunk, and now I get nifty newsletters like these:

And they have little peices of yarn inside, like these: