Things You Can Be Proud You Can't Say You've Done:

1. Fall over in the dark, knocking over things (you can't tell what they are, because it's dark) and hurting yourself. Crying. Sitting on the floor and having a little pity party for yourself. Drunk. While your husband laughs in the bedroom. Drunk.

2. Turning off the light in the bathroom before you leave, and somehow knocking the sink off the wall on your way out. Holding the sink for a few minutes, deciding that because there is water dripping on you, you must be outside. Completely convincing yourself that you are outside. Replying to your concerned friend, "No, I'm not OK, I'm outside and it's raining on me and my arms are getting tired." Drunkenly.

So anyway, on the way to the floor last night in the dark, I hit my nose on something. I still don't know what. Now my nose hurts and it feels like I've constantly got to sneeze. It's times like this that I wish I had a more extensive history of hurting myself. That way, at least I'd know if it was serious.

I have a feeling that it's only seriously embarassing.