Tuesday, July 31

My Sister

I've had this blog for three years now, and I keep forgetting to tell you all the story of my sister. It's a big story for me, and I always wanted to wait until I could tell it just right, but I'm not sure there is a "just right" way. And it deserves to be told, it's important.

So! In the spring of 2001, I found out I have a sister. My mom gave her up for adoption before I was born. Then she met my dad, they got married, and they started our family. Mom didn't tell me about her daughter, because she never knew if she'd try to contact her. She didn't want me to always wonder about her. Well, in 2001, Mom didn't have to wonder anymore. She got in contact with her, and wanted to meet us. We met her. Her name is Rachel. She's due to have a baby around Labor Day.

I went through a lot of weird stuff when I found out. I wished I had known. I went through some crazy bad times, some lonely times when I was in school, and I know I would have felt better had I been able to think about my sister being out there somewhere. Even if I'd never met her, it would have been possible, and that would have been cool.

I do understand why Mom didn't tell us, though, because it was painful for her and she wanted to spare us some of that pain. I'm happy that she made the choice she did, mostly because I'm not sure I'd be here if she'd have kept the baby.

Sometimes I think it screwed me up in the head a little bit. I think it messed me up a little bit to think I was the first child when I really wasn't. I think it had a bearing on the way I turned out. None of this is Rachel's fault, but for a while, I resented her.

Needless to say, I'm a big proponant of honesty with children. Creativity and imagination are wonderful, and I won't ever quash them, but honesty is important. I'm not talking about abolishing Santa Claus, but definitely acknowledging the Rachels.


Jess said...

Thanks for sharing, lady. I was so confused. I'm glad you've met your sister. :)

Antonia said...

Wow, this is great to read (hello, orc lady, btw).

Secret children are the norm in my family. My father was a war baby, so his real parents had him adopted and he was a big surprise to their later kids a few years ago.

My dad left when I was 3 and although I was never a secret to anyone in his new life, we didn't meet again until I was 17.

My mother had another daughter by a new man. He left (my mother is a real orc lady when you piss her off) and had two sons with someone else, and now my sister (25) is wondering whether to contact her brothers (22 and 18). She's found the older one on Facebook, so he's a mouse-click away. It's very strange for her.

At the moment we're all talking in our family about what she should do, so I'm really glad to read an example of this kind of thing coming out right. Thank you for stopping by and saying hey!

Sunny said...

Oh, glad my little joke did some good!

I'd give some advice on the subject, but I'm all talked out on the damn thing. :)