Tonight Tonight

Do you like my new picture? I do.

Lisa had to bail on our walk tonight, but luckily just as I was losing hope my brother showed up. We took a lovely long walk to main street and back around on Green Bay Street. I talked to him about (what else lately?) work, and shared some of my very funny stories. I'll have to share some of them here sometime soon.

I'm kind of lonely tonight.

Anxiety

I've been having a lot of it lately. There's no real reason for it, and I know that, so why does it continue? The past week-plus has been riddled with it.

I used to get nervous, but that wasn't quite the same thing. This anxiety brings with it a whole new inability to make sense when I talk. A new sense of everything I've ever said being stupid descends upon me.

Life is strange right now, because at the same time, I'm feeling more connected to everything. More interested in taking pictures and recording things than I have in a long time. I want to share. None of this has been coming across in my conversations, though. It's like the more I'm opening up, the less I'm capable of expressing what's on my mind. It's all very frustrating. I can't take me anywhere anymore. I may have been on the brink of crying tonight.

There may have been a few tears shed, actually. How embarrassing.

The walks have been going nicely. Huck is learning how to walk at my side instead of pulling at the leash, and he (shockingly) only needed two demonstrations to realize what I meant when I said, "Heel."

Walks

The first time I went for a walk for the purposes of walking, it was to find a good spot for reading.

I walked again today, Huck is in heaven with the walking.

He likes jumping on the ice-shelves that form on the edge of the sidewalk as the snow melts. It's very endearing.

Fresh

Well, I drove past the aforementioned quiet hills and yet again resisted the urge to get out and roll around for a while. It's starting to seem like less of a good idea, especially after the dunk I took on Monday.

Huck and I went for a walk tonight, just a jaunt. I'm incredibly lucky to live within two blocks of the Mountain Bay Trail, and I should totally use it more often. For one thing, it is miraculously clear of snow and slush. Unlike every other surface in Wisconsin.

Huck wore his jacket. It was... adorable. He's very happy to walk. I am, too! It's a surprise, because I haven't done any sort of exercise in months and months (Hello! I'm Lazy), but I love to walk. And it was nice to get out in the brisk (ha) refreshing (haha) air and see Huck bounding around (as much as his leash would allow - not much) and having fun on the ice. But not on the trail! The trail was iceless!

The Possibilities are Endless

I quit my job. I put in my notice two weeks and four days ago, and that makes this my third full day off. It feels awesome. I don't know what I'm planning to do in the future, but the luxury of having a wonderfully supportive and enthusiastic person living with you who believes in you 100% no-matter-what and thinks you're doing the right thing is... well, you can imagine.

In the meantime, the time between now and when I'm starting work again somewhere, I'm going to take care of some things that are on my (endless, ever-growing) list. (The biggest irony about the list is that although I'm constantly worried about where I am on the list, most of the time I can't remember half of the items. I don't think I'm the only one with this problem.) I'm going to plant the seeds that are in my extra bedroom growing in peat. I'm going to clean the house and get in the habit of keeping it that way for longer stretches. I'm going to start walking every day. I'm going to keep up on the laundry, and maybe find a place to put it all when it's clean. I'm going to read. I'm going to continue to learn to cook. Most importantly, I'm going to become more eco-friendly.

I'm starting with the last one. I want to stop using chemicals around the house, and make my detergents and cleaners. This weekend I made my own laundry detergent. I took the recipe I got at Modern Cottage and made both the detergent and the laundry rinse. It was fun, it was cheap, and I'm excited because I found all of the ingredients here in town, in one store. Pick'n Save saved me again. I used a lemon essential oil, which I found at a natural goods/religious store in our town.

I've been using the homemade laundry detergent the last couple of days and I'm amazed. Our clothes smell cleaner than I can ever remember clothes smelling. I'm sure it's a combination of a lack of heavy gross perfumes and the fact that the crap actually rinses out, but knowing the reason isn't making it any less amazing. I love having clean clothes. These clothes are very clean and smell so fresh and nice!

The greatest thing is that when I was buying the ingredients, I over-bought. Now I have three extra batches just waiting to be made, batches that I'm going to give to my family and friends along with the recipe. There's no reason that other people shouldn't be using this stuff when it's so easy and so much better for them. One cousin in particular has two people with really sensitive skin in her family, and I have a feeling this will be a lifesaver. I can't wait to share this with people. (Just to be extra eco-happy, I'm giving this stuff away in old coffee containers.)

So, that's what I'm up to! Not working, but working, in a totally satisfying way. Rest assured, when it stops being satisfying, I'll find some place willing to pay me for my sparkling wit and dazzling good looks. I hope I get some of this other stuff done first, and some relaxation taken care of too.

Catching Up

Robby
OMG
YOU'RE THERE
?

sarah
omg*
yeah
how are you?

Robby
thank god
okay
so this song leaves me breathless

did you listen to my myspace song

sarah
not yet
hold your horses
don't tell me where you put them, though

Robby
hahahah
crank it

and search dreamgirls
and then listen to "i love you i do"

Robby
this woman
who sang both songs
lost to kelly clarkson on american idol
she got 4th

sarah
what's her name?

Robby
but now she's in a movie with beyonce, and beyonce played the lead
and she is getting no recognition
jennifer hudson

sarah
she's good, but there's something about her voice that hits a spot inside my ear that goes directly into the spot on my brain that hears screachy things. I can tell she's a good singer, but I just can't listen for too long, you know?


[Here's one of the songs we're talking about.]
______
*Note: If speaking the omg aloud to yourself, it's meant to have the dryest of dry tones. Hence the lack of exclaimation.

Lisa clued me into the fact that you can check out magazines from the local library. (Shh, don't tell anybody, but she was checking out some magazines that typically girls aren't allowed to be seen looking at, no I'm not talking about porn, you girls know what kinds I mean, right? You can't at them when you're single, but it only makes sense to look at them when you're single. You know what I mean.) So now I've been going back once a week or so for some magazines. I have to catch up on my Martha Stewart magazine. And also my Hobby Farming magazine. What? I could maybe start a hobby farm. In my rental house. I have a big garage, ok?

I had a large hatred for my library last week when all week long, they just decided they were going to have special, "Sunny won't be able to go," hours. Bastards. Who gets to decide they're only going to be open until three for an entire week, just because they want to? The library, that's who. And the post office could probably also do that. Or a doctor. They're all bastards.

Also, do you know what I got from work for Christmas? I'll show you. Sometime. But first, I want to tell you. From my boss, I got a freaking GIFT BASKET from Bath and Body Works. And not one of the tiny ones, either. Actually, I got one of those from her too. But the one I'm talking about is one of those giant gift baskets, one that includes not only the lotion and the body wash, but it's got the bubble bath and the candle, too! And a bath poof! I needed a bath poof! So badly that it was one of the presents I wrapped up for myself back when I was a little (ok, a lot) afraid I wasn't going to get anything for Christmas, and thought I'd wrap up a few small things (you know, from the dollar store), just so I'd have something to open. (Those fears were completely unwarranted, and Bruce got me some fantastic presents. Lots of people did. I had no reason to feel preemptively sorry for myself like that. Silly Sunny!) What flavor, you ask? Cherry Blossom! Which I had never smelt at the store, but I can tell you now that it's really nice smelling! (I can tell you that now because it's all I've been bathing in ever since I got it.)

And! She got me one of those little tiny gift baskets, too. As if you didn't already know. It was some jasmine-scented thing that's supposed to make someone horny. At least I think that's what it said. I think she talked to Bruce, and that one was his suggestion.

I'm not even to the best part yet. Guess what else she got me? She bought me and the other girl at work MP3 players.

For serious.

Yeah.

I know.

I said that too.

So! I'm really getting into the idea of walking for more exercise, and so I borrowed some Terry Pratchett books on CD from the library, with the intent of copying them onto my computer and then listening to them while I walk, in two hour segments. Good idea, huh?

I'm also looking forward to walking with Huck, because the poor little Pooper hasn't had much experience walking on a leash, and there's no time like the present to teach him. You know, before he's a poor old Pooper.

Obligations

I'm wearing Bruce's sweat pants right now. Although I don't personally think there is anything wrong with sweatpants, a part of me understands why he doesn't find them sexy, exactly. I think it has to do with the gathering-in at the bottoms. That's the least attractive part, if one were to search for the least attractive part.

Living in Wisconsin 1/2 mile from my family is presenting challenges that I'd never thought about before. Things are getting slightly better, but most of that has to do with the improvement in my own attitude since we've moved - I grew up very unsure of myself and with no friends. Being in the place where I finally became happy with who I am is making a monumental difference in how I feel. I've even been working out. Hot damn!

I can't be the only person who's completely bored by aerobic exercise. I'd rather do weights, just for the immediate gratification.

Poor Huck is either still sick from the chicken shit he ate on Thanksgiving, or he's sick again with an even more unknown illness. He woke us up last night after a long day of being very weary to make us take him out at least three times. It was not fun. Bruce and I had a fight about it. The fight mainly had to do with my insomnia and his general ability to sleep through anything that could possibly happen, and also my complete and utter jealousy of him for being able to sleep with no problems ever. I just want him to feel good again. It's been almost three weeks, is that too much to ask?

Two Times Now

I wasn't going to say anything yet, but I just have to. I've started working out a little bit, and I want to thank Robby for helping me start. You see, he left behind two five-pound weights when he left home, and those are what I've been using. Sure, walking works a little bit, as general aerobic exercise tends to, but I think that I should build up a lean(er) muscle mass, too. When I start to walk the dog, hopefully I'll get double the benefit, because I'm spending this time with the weights.

It all started when he visited us about a month ago. He noticed that my back was hurting and gave me a massage, noting that like him I needed to do stretching exercises and improve my posture or be stuck with a hurting back all of my live-long life. I've really done a lot to improve my posture - a lot of it has to do (much like anything else in life) with just plain being aware of what you're doing. What I'm doing, more often than not, is slouching. It takes more effort than you'd think to correct that little problem. Apparently, I'm retraining my muscles. Word up: Retraining your muscles sucks. And it hurts, too - the hurt only went away after a few weeks.

Two days ago, I did a few exercises. I really can't explain them - maybe if you've dated a bodybuilder in the past and not really paid enough attention to really know the exercises but know enough to know what to do you can follow along. I did 20 reps of bicep curls, 20 reps of that one where the weight is behind your head and you lift it up to work your triceps, 20 reps of that one where you're on all fours and lift out and to the side to work your back, 20 reps of that one where you're on all fours and lift the weight straight back to work your triceps, 20 reps of that one where you are standing and lift the weights above your head from crosswise to parallel in the air straight above you which works... I forget what muscle, and 20 reps of the one to work your shoulder where you lift from parallel to your feet at your side to parallel to your feet at shoulder height.

Then today I did all of those things again and also included 20 reps of that one where you lunge to work all of your legs and your butt, and 20 reps of that one where you hold the weights still at your side and go up on your tippy-toes to work your calves.

Now, don't faint on me or anything. After all, it's only taking me 20 minutes or so per workout, and it's only using five pound weights. Although the five pounds is pretty impressive, considering how out of shape I didn't know I had gotten.