she: i have a problem finding guys who are mutually interested with me.
she: actually, you know what? scratch that. i think this is humankind's issue.

he: ha

she: it is so fucking rare to find someone you actually find interesting who actually finds you interesting as well.
she: at least long enough to have more than a couple of conversations with

he: I suppose.
he: kids these days

she: and i am totally vain enough that i cant get into a guy, no matter how hot, if he's just generically into pussy

he: ha

she: and if everything interesting about him is that he's interested in me, that's even worse.

he: makes sense

she: I mean, I am fucking awesome, but I pretty much already know everything there is to know about me.
she: so it can get you a little ways, but after that, you'd better be planning on some damn fine conversation.
she: that's reasonable, i think.

she: sorry, i bet you're still trying to get laid, aren't you?

he: hah
he: no
he: It is reasonable.
he: I haven't even talked to her.
he: You got most of the conversation.

she: is that a really nice way of saying, "You're talking an awful lot"?

Crazy?

Sunny: are you as excited as i am about losing an hour of sleep tonight?


Lisa: ?


Sunny: what with the Spring Forward?


Lisa: i didn't know it was yet
now i am


Sunny: i'm sure you'll be reminded plenty at work


Lisa: luckily i'm off tomorrow so there's no chance of it making me show up at the wrong time


Sunny: are you kidding? I'm worried about Monday already


Lisa: lol
yeah, i think (i hope) i'll have the whole time change thing under control after a day of it
you know, asking everyone what time it REALLY is...checking all the clocks
setting 5 alarms...just in case
oh wait!
i think i'm off monday, too, so I'll have two days to prepare


Sunny: checking and rechecking your phone to make sure it says the right time


Lisa: i like to check back and forth from the phone and the computer
then call time and temp a few times


Sunny: oh, yeah, that's a good one


Lisa: tune into the news to make sure they make mention of a time change and i wasn't wrong about the date of its occurrence


Sunny: you really freaked me out by not realizing it was today
now i'm worried i've got it wrong


Lisa: no kidding
thank pete you said something
seriously


Sunny: like everyone is trying to trick me or something


Lisa: i've heard nothing about it until now
and todd didn't know either


Sunny: GAH


Lisa: now i'm scared


Sunny: your whole HOUSE wouldn't have known!!!

Conversation:

Self: I wonder what they're going to put in that new building?

Dad: I don't know, I haven't heard.

Self: Well... I suppose probably another check cashing place.

Dad: Probably an auto parts store.

Self: A dollar store.

[pause]

Dad: This town sucks.

Freezin!

S: so i was up to my shins in ice-cold slush this evening.


L: ?


S: yep, the kid who was playing in the snow in a field didn't realize he was standing on a thin layer of ice over a giant puddle, fell in, got his boots stuck, stepped out of them and left them behind in the freezing water
and then was crying hysterically and trying to fish them out with his hands
so i had to trudge through the snow to get to him and stepped too far and got in there myself.
he was worried about his boots, but i was worried he was going to freeze


L: was all well in the end?


S: yes, hes not frozen
neither am i


L: did you get the boots?


S: yes, haha


L: that would be suck
i'm sure it WAS suck for you


S: his neighbor went in her garage and found her dad's ice fishing thing - the strainer for the hole to get the slush out? and got out the boot with that
resourceful 8 year old.
yeah, the boot was the least of my worries, actually


L: wow, totally
it would have been the least of mine, as well


S: yeah
but he was worried hed get in trouble


L: did he?


S: oh, no! not at all.
he's just a worrier.


L: that's good
lol


S: like me.


L: we know how that goes


S: so after i got out to him, he's crying and crying and he says, "I NEVER SHOULD HAVE DONE THAT!"
aww


L: that sucks


S: i was like, "Well, what's done is done. Next time you'll know better. Don't worry about it now, we just need to get you inside and warm."
but he was still fishing around for his boot.
poor guy


L: you handled it like a pro


S: i'm cool as a cucumber, baby


L: lol


S: actually, i was flipping out
on the inside
visions of frost-bitten footsies were running through my head.

Day in the Life of: Me

S:ok, so last night i realized i'd have to get up early and do stuff to get out of the driveway, right?
scrape my car off (10 inches is a lot, yo) etc
so i set my alarm for 6:30, 1/2 hour early
you with me so far?


L: on the edge of my seat


S: ok, so I sleep, etc
mom comes up the steps to wake me up, warn me that im going to have to get up early, to "prepare me"
i ask her what time it is, she says 20 after six.
so i automatically wake up pissed that i missed 10 minutes of perfectly good sleep for her to tell me something i already knew


L: i hate that


S: i really really hate it
so i get up, shovel my car off (yeah, i know i shouldn't, but it worked really well)
take a shower, start the car, let it run for 20 minutes like a granny
and i go to work.
i have to baja out of the driveway, but i make it to the street
I go to first house, all is well.
i go to second house
i pass the county line sign on 55 heading to Seymour and all of a sudden the ice and shit gets really loud and i think "uh oh"
so i pull over.
sure enough, my tire blew


L: no way


S: way
so i pull out my phone to call the house i'm going to and let him know i'll be late
guess what?


L: ?


S: my phone won't dial out, because i'm in the "Extended" area
so i sit there for a few minutes freaking out
and text message my brother
no responce.


L: good thinking though


S: so i get out of the car and look in the trunk, sure enough the spare is in there. Man, can i change a tire? I know the basics but ive never done it and it seems hard
lots of steps and nobody needs an improperly changed tire falling off on the highway
so i decide i have no choice and get to it
i actually figure out how to do it
amazing
and like 30 cars pass me as i'm sitting there with my hazzards on and wrenching lugnuts off etc and NOBODY STOPS
What is WRONG with people?
do I look like an old changin-tire fool?
apparently i'm such a natural that nobody thinks i could need assistance.
finally this lady stops and asks if i need to use her phone
and i'm like YES
and i call the house i'm on the way to and he asks if i need help and at this point i don't really, but i'm still afraid i'm not going to do it right so i say OK
and then it takes him forever so i've got the tire off and in the trunk and the spare on and i'm eventually just waiting for him when i get a call from Robby
he's called home for me and Dad's on his way, so i tell him to call back and tell him i don't need him I did it all by myself and he does
and Dad is apparently so proud he could bust and i'm pretty happy with that, you know


L: yeah


S: but what is wrong with people?


L: that's what i'm wondering
they'll stop for any other reason
...like to whistle at you and ask if you need a ride when you're just trying to get some excercise


S: anyway, i changed a tire all by myself in the freezing cold and with no instructions!
yay me!


L: good for you


S: so then i get to the guys house and he leaves right away and then comes back like an hour later with a tire for me, haha, and puts it on for me

Conversation

Me: sorry, mom was making me model a bathrobe from the 60's
He: happens
Me: does it?
He: to you at least

Technology

inediblehulk: I can't wait much longer for my TV
inediblehulk: It feels like Christmas
Sunny S: haha
inediblehulk: Circa 1988
inediblehulk: Well, except for that TVs sucked back then
inediblehulk: And I'm taller
Sunny S: you didn't think they sucked back then, you thought they were the most awesome tvs ever
inediblehulk: But I'm like a kid who's counting the days
inediblehulk: Yeah
inediblehulk: You're right
Sunny S: but you were shorter
Sunny S: that part you've got right.
inediblehulk: And my NES was as good as gaming systems would ever get
Sunny S: totally.
inediblehulk: I don't even want to know how I'll be wasting my money in 2028
Sunny S: hahaha
inediblehulk: Hopefully they fly, whatever they are.

Text

He:  Woo.  Kinda drunk.

Me:  Wooo indeed!

Me:  Java beer?

He:  Bo's Vintage Ale... 22%abv  

Me:  Nice.  Have fun.

He:  Working on it.

Me:  I can't seem to resist telling you to be careful--it must be my old age.

...

Me:  You were supposed to deny that I'm old, cuntface.

He:  Sorry, can't hear my phone in the bar, old lady.

Olden People:

Marc : But I need to go anyway, so may kill two birds with a stone, or just one. Either way, birds will be killed.
Marc : Stupid expression
sunnyfreakingday: yeah, what did the poor birds ever do?
Marc : Were people ever that stingy with stones?
Marc : I mean, who's ever said "I'd really like to kill and eat that bird, but I've already killed one bird with this stone..."
Marc : Of course, nothing from the olden days makes sense
sunnyfreakingday: yeah, those olden days.
Marc : Pop Goes the Weasel...what the hell does that mean?
sunnyfreakingday: i always pictured throwing the stone once and somehow magically hitting two birds.
sunnyfreakingday: like a rebound or something
sunnyfreakingday: which actually makes less sense, i think
Marc : Yeah, me too.
sunnyfreakingday: now, saving the stone and hitting another bird another day, now that makes sense
Marc : But I wondered why you couldn't just pick up the stone if you missed the bank shot and kill the second bird later
sunnyfreakingday: but, like you say, who's that stingy with stones?
Marc : I dunno
Marc : Olden people
sunnyfreakingday: oh, those olden people
sunnyfreakingday: i'm shaking my head.
Marc : Olden people sure liked barrels
Marc : That's one thing I've learned from video games
sunnyfreakingday: oh, indeed they did
Marc : And inns
sunnyfreakingday: yes
Marc : Did you tell you I'm addicted to an RPG?
sunnyfreakingday: no, but it's all coming clear now

Paranoia RE:Work

Lisa: all right...i'm 1-cl wednesday if you are able to do breakfast and/or a puzzle

Sarah: well, i work at 12 on wednesday, which means i have to leave at 11:15

Lisa: more like 9:15 if you want to be safe

Sarah: so if i go to bed at 10, that means i can lay awake until 12:30 and get up at 9:45 to be safe

Lisa: lol
your schedule sounds eerily like mine

Sarah: and then i can either walk around the house aimlessly terrified that i'll fall asleep somewhere or i can maybe meet you for breakfast and/or a puzzle

Lisa: lol
i always set my alarm after i'm well awake "just in case i fall asleep"
i'll set it for 2:30pm
you know, since i always fall asleep wherever i'm standing in the afternoon

Sometimes, Moms Are Scary

Mary: i don't think that i told you that grama sally had surgery on a hernia yesterday. but it went well, and i expect she is coming home today
Sent at 2:47 PM on Thursday

Sarah: yeah, i think you did tell me, i'm glad it all went well

Mary: WHAT??

Sarah: uh, huh?

Mary: WHAT YA GONNA DO WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU

Sarah: bad boys?
please tell me what's going on?

Mary: YEAH, BAD BOYS, I GOT THE WORDS WRONG, AND DADDY KNEW IT RIGHT AWAY WHEN I SAID IT................CRYBABY, CRYBABY WHAT THEN?

_ _ _

Eventually, I realized she was commenting on an old status message I had - a really, really old status message. I have no idea how she saw it, it's months old.

Update on the Cow (and Other Things)

Me: Howdy, neighbor!

Him: Good morning! How are you?

Me: Good. Say, I have a question for you...

Him: Shoot.

Me: What do you make of the cow?

Him: ...[Looks at me like I might be crazy]... Hmmm, what cow?

Me: ...

Cow: mmmMOOOOOOO!

Does that cow have timing, or does that cow have timing?

(We decided that what the neighbor makes of the cow is that I should call the person in charge of neighborhood cows. I called yesterday morning, the fella said he'd send someone down, and as of tonight, there is still a cow. I can tell from the mmmMOOOOOOO!ing.)

In other news, I partially ran over the kitten with my office chair today. He cried, I panicked. I couldn't find anything overtly wrong with him and he didn't flinch when I prodded him all over, so I assumed he was fine. I monkeyed around online, took the dog outside, got a glass of wine, etc. Then realized I hadn't seen the kitten in a while. Called for him all over the house (Stiiiiinky, Stiiiiiiiiiiiiiinky! STINKY!!!) to no avail. Kept calling and searching for 15 minutes or more before losing all of my shit. Kept picturing poor kitten hiding in a closet somewhere dying from internal injuries from desk chair, too weak to meow a response. Wanted to call Bruce, but he's working and can do very very little from 750 miles away. Called best friend instead, and best friend talked me down. Three minutes after hanging up with her, I found him in the bottom drawer of my desk, sleeping. I called her back to tell her he hadn't died of internal smooshing and heard her boyfriend in the background, feigning great distress and generally mocking me. Now I'm not sure what to do. I understand on a fundamental level why it was very funny for me to be freaking out, because it was highly unlikely that the kitten would be dying in a closet, but at the same time? It wasn't very funny to me. Also, I feel like he could have waited until she hung up to make fun of me. Am I wrong?

I've been reading another book by one of my very favorite authors, Anna Maxted. When we were camping, I read Behaving Like Adults, and it was possibly the best novel I've read in a long time. (Except for Goodbye, Lemon, by Adam Davies, another one of my very favorite authors.) After finishing the Anna Maxted, I came home and borrowed another one straight away from the library. Halfway through Being Committed, I found the most amusing passage about an old song, one that echos my own feelings:

Oh, Susanna, don't you cry for me,
I'm off to Alabama with a banjo on my knee!

I heard the tune on one of Jude's plastic toys and recalled the words out of nowhere. And wondered why Susanna would waste her time moping after a man who was so plainly a conceited idiot--moseying off to Alabama with a banjo, daring to imagine her distraught?! She was probably glad to see the back of him--him, his silly banjo, and his unrealistic view of job opportunities in the music business. Susanna--I imagined her demure and blond, in a checked pinafore, baby blue and white--was probably too well brought up to tell him she loathed his banjo playing and him.

Last Straw

Sarah: OMG there's a place in SW MO selling CHEESE CURDS
http://www.localharvest.org/farms/M10790

bruce: LMAO
nice

Sarah: That's it, I can move back now
:D

Bruce and I, a few days ago:

"When you cook good stuff when I'm gone, you'll have to freeze some so I can eat it when I come home."

"I was just figuring I'd subsist on plain white rice while you're away."

Conversation:

B: [on phone] Well, I was sort of thinking a tattoo or something, but yeah, I guess we could get our cocks peirced when I'm in town.

Me: You can hold hands!

Conversation:

S:  So, are you ready for coffee and... more coffee this morning?

L:  Yeah.  When do you want to meet over there?

S:  About twenty minutes?

L:  That's good.  I was going to say twenty but I didn't want to rush you.  I think I'm going to wake up Mason and tell him to throw on some sweatpants too, and bring him along.

S: Cool. We'll be the Sweatpants Mafia. 

Catching Up

Robby
OMG
YOU'RE THERE
?

sarah
omg*
yeah
how are you?

Robby
thank god
okay
so this song leaves me breathless

did you listen to my myspace song

sarah
not yet
hold your horses
don't tell me where you put them, though

Robby
hahahah
crank it

and search dreamgirls
and then listen to "i love you i do"

Robby
this woman
who sang both songs
lost to kelly clarkson on american idol
she got 4th

sarah
what's her name?

Robby
but now she's in a movie with beyonce, and beyonce played the lead
and she is getting no recognition
jennifer hudson

sarah
she's good, but there's something about her voice that hits a spot inside my ear that goes directly into the spot on my brain that hears screachy things. I can tell she's a good singer, but I just can't listen for too long, you know?


[Here's one of the songs we're talking about.]
______
*Note: If speaking the omg aloud to yourself, it's meant to have the dryest of dry tones. Hence the lack of exclaimation.

Lisa clued me into the fact that you can check out magazines from the local library. (Shh, don't tell anybody, but she was checking out some magazines that typically girls aren't allowed to be seen looking at, no I'm not talking about porn, you girls know what kinds I mean, right? You can't at them when you're single, but it only makes sense to look at them when you're single. You know what I mean.) So now I've been going back once a week or so for some magazines. I have to catch up on my Martha Stewart magazine. And also my Hobby Farming magazine. What? I could maybe start a hobby farm. In my rental house. I have a big garage, ok?

I had a large hatred for my library last week when all week long, they just decided they were going to have special, "Sunny won't be able to go," hours. Bastards. Who gets to decide they're only going to be open until three for an entire week, just because they want to? The library, that's who. And the post office could probably also do that. Or a doctor. They're all bastards.

Also, do you know what I got from work for Christmas? I'll show you. Sometime. But first, I want to tell you. From my boss, I got a freaking GIFT BASKET from Bath and Body Works. And not one of the tiny ones, either. Actually, I got one of those from her too. But the one I'm talking about is one of those giant gift baskets, one that includes not only the lotion and the body wash, but it's got the bubble bath and the candle, too! And a bath poof! I needed a bath poof! So badly that it was one of the presents I wrapped up for myself back when I was a little (ok, a lot) afraid I wasn't going to get anything for Christmas, and thought I'd wrap up a few small things (you know, from the dollar store), just so I'd have something to open. (Those fears were completely unwarranted, and Bruce got me some fantastic presents. Lots of people did. I had no reason to feel preemptively sorry for myself like that. Silly Sunny!) What flavor, you ask? Cherry Blossom! Which I had never smelt at the store, but I can tell you now that it's really nice smelling! (I can tell you that now because it's all I've been bathing in ever since I got it.)

And! She got me one of those little tiny gift baskets, too. As if you didn't already know. It was some jasmine-scented thing that's supposed to make someone horny. At least I think that's what it said. I think she talked to Bruce, and that one was his suggestion.

I'm not even to the best part yet. Guess what else she got me? She bought me and the other girl at work MP3 players.

For serious.

Yeah.

I know.

I said that too.

So! I'm really getting into the idea of walking for more exercise, and so I borrowed some Terry Pratchett books on CD from the library, with the intent of copying them onto my computer and then listening to them while I walk, in two hour segments. Good idea, huh?

I'm also looking forward to walking with Huck, because the poor little Pooper hasn't had much experience walking on a leash, and there's no time like the present to teach him. You know, before he's a poor old Pooper.

Conversation Between Bruce and I, in the Car:

I: I don't know. I'm a little confused about what to get for Hannah for Christmas, you know? Five year olds are the worst to shop for. And this is her first Christmas*, so I want to make it special, you know?

B: [nods]

I: And I asked her, well, actually I didn't so much ask her as tease her because when she asked why I was shopping I told her I was out buying Christmas presents and you could see her little eyes light up and she was so excited and I teased her for a little bit when she asked me very coyly who I was buying presents for and I told her eventually that I might be in the market for a present for her, you know?

B: [nods]

I: And so she told me she would really really really love a guitar. And when I asked her how she liked the keyboard**, she said she loved it and that she already knows how to play one song, it goes, "C D G G G F E" and now she has a book so she can learn even more songs and isn't that great? And I really want to encourage her, because I have always wished that I'd had wanted to learn music, and here's someone who can, and why not encourage her when she's doing something creative and productive and she obviously loves it so much?

B: [nods] Oh yeah, totally. [nods some more]

I: And then she said that I shouldn't get her a guitar, because she thinks that maybe her parents are getting her a guitar, and that maybe I should get her something else instead, but she made sure to tell me that she already got that one dolly from Walmart, so don't get her that one dolly from Walmart, because she already got it. I'd get her a barbie, but she doesn't seem like a barbie girl, you know?

B: [nods]

I: I mean, I had friends when I was little who only wanted to play with baby dolls, but I was always more about dressing up Barbie for a night on the town with Ken, you know? I was way more into being cool and having boyfriends and going on dates than I was into having babies. I loved Barbie!

B: [nods]

I: Now that I think about it, so did my brother.

B: [silence, then explosive laughter]

__________________________________


*This is her first Christmas because she's a former Jehovah's Witness.

**The fun people in my family had a gathering the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Hannah asked my mom if she was getting a present that day, and my mom gave her our old Casio keyboard. My mom is totally spoiling her. I love it.

Overdrawn

You know what? As far as I'm concerned, all banks suck big donkey balls. :)

The only one worth two shakes in my experience isn't an actual bank, it's a credit union. They're the only financial institution that hasn't tried to drive me into bankruptcy with their overdraft fees. (Because, get this, your card doesn't work if you don't have the money.)

That's a whole lot different from the other banks I've belonged at (TCF, Wells Fargo, US Bank, just to name a few) who seem to go out of their way not to notify you of overdrafts, in the hopes that you'll continue to make them.

It's not a perfect system, but they seem a little less drooly at the thought of my blood. And hey, that's good enough for me! At least until it becomes en vogue again to bury my money in a coffee can in the backyard, that is.

I hear baking soda brushed on each side of the bills will keep them well-preserved.

Drunk-Spacing

Last night, lord knows what time exactly:

S said:
sleep tight, and don't dream about cheeseburgers!

S said:
LOOOOOOOOOoooove you.


This morning, right before work:

R says:
lol

S says:
what?

R says:
last night

S says:
omg, i forgot we talked

R says:
your closing statement

R says:
'don't dream about cheeseburgers

S says:
you get very upset when you dream about cheeseburgers

R says:
lol

...

R says:
damn it. i drunk spaced a boy last night:

You've told me you're not very good in the relationship scene. It hit me when Jeremiah gave you his phone number yesterday at the restaurant. If you and I were together in a relationship, i would constantly be jealous of the way other men look at you, and flirt with you. But in the end, if I know that I can hold you at the end of the night, the way I wanted to hold you yesterday, I am willing to give this a shot, if you are.

S says:
shit

Sunny says:
SHIT

R says:
FUCK

S says:
Drunk spacing SUCKS