Tuesday, July 26

Blah blah blah... BOO!!!

A funny thing happened on the way into dreamy never-never-land last night.

Before he met me, Bruce was the type of man to fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. I've found that unworthy of her holy chatterboxedness, and have modified his behavior somewhat. Now he falls asleep as soon as I pause to take a breath.

Last night it took me a while after he'd fallen asleep to join him. I remember that the first dream I was having was about the West Wing, because it's not nearly stressful enough for me to watch other people pretending to run the country, I've got to jump in there and do it myself, in my sleep. You know, when I'm "relaxing".

So I was following around my boss, and taking notes about what we should be doing, etc etc etc, I don't really remember, I was sleeping, when all of a sudden the person talking to me (the president, I think) got quieter and quieter and really really quiet. So I leaned in close so I could continue taking my notes. Obviously my notes were going to save the country! You must not underestimate the power of my Note-taking Skillz, Brotha! I leaned myself in real close, so my ear was only inches from the President's (Do I have to capitolize it when I'm talking about a president on TV, and not a real one? What about if he's a better president than we'll probably ever actually have in the White House? Haha, I'm so not kidding!) mouth, and he was talking in his tiny teensy voice and I could barely even hear him at all anymore, and I was frantically trying to listen as hard as I fucking could to try and hear all the stuff coming out of his mouth, when all of a sudden he rears back his head and takes in a giant breath and says...





And I woke up. And I freaked out 'cause what's scarier than someone (President or not!) scaring you like that when you're just trying to take notes for them? And also, who says he's not waiting in the dark for me, just so he can sneak up and scare me again with his "Boo!!!!"ing? So, I was terrified and Bruce had to comfort me in my mind-numbingly sleepy/scared state for a minute or two before I could explain. And he laughed his motherfucking ass off, let me tell you. See, the reason I had a dream that the President had scared the shit outta me, was because Bruce had scared the shit outta me - by sneezing in my EAR, right as the President got all quiet in my dream.

God, I was freaked out, but it made a really great time last night.

So yesterday at work, I bought these Airwick Scented Oil Warmers (and Refills), and I never thought I'd really be able to get into my house smelling like something other than what my house should smell like (cat pee, old pizza, beer cans, etc). But I can! Yes, I can! I can get over my house smelling like turds, because there is a way for my house to smell not of turds, but of Crisp Breeze® Capture the cool morning air with a combination of light florals, gentle eucalyptus and herbs, and not of turds! Seriously, though, my house didn't exactly smell like roses and sunshine, if you understand my meaning. And while it still doesn't smell like roses and sunshine, now it smells like Crisp Breeze®, and I think that's actually better. Less perfumey, you know.

Ahh, Airwick, how I love thee.


SJ said...

I'm so glad your house no longer smells like turds. So, so glad.

Jim said...

Oh my god ... I laughed so freaking hard at that. ROFL ... still laughing ... thank you thank you ...

B said...

The move she made when I released the sneeze was priceless. I haven't laughed that hard in a long, long time.

Robert said...

That's about as bad as jessica seeing how long she can get me to talk out loud while I'm sleeping.

Hey you! After my long slumber I have returned. I bid you enter Nerdland!

Robert said...

Before you say it, yes. It is bade. My vocabulary sucks. But I caught it later!