Monday, January 21

Hopeful

Here's hoping that this year is like March;  I hope it came in in the opposite way to which it will be going out.  In:  sad, inadequate, degenerate, alone.  Out:  happy, whole, productive, surrounded with love.  Not that I haven't been surrounded with love, but it's not completely been the sort of love I need.

Part of that will change soon, because I have finally connected with my sister.  I can't believe it took me this long, except I can totally believe it took me this long.  We're such different people, and only half of it stems from her being adopted out of the family.  I'm over the worst of it, though, and I really want things to be good for us.  I find it disgusting that she never met Bruce, for example.  One of the many ways I know that one or both of those relationships were not healthy for me.  Sadly enough, I'm sure that any inadequacies in that department belong to me.

I'm trying to blast up my year, my life.  In some ways it's not working as well as I'd have liked, but in those ways I have no control over it, so it is marginally acceptable.  I'm sure most of the people who read this are breathing a sigh of relief that I'm starting to count parts of life in the plus collumn again, after so much doom and gloom at the start of the year.  In my defense, however, one can't start out the year feeling awesome if one wakes up in one's car at 6AM having tried to drive on railroad tracks the night before on New Year's Day.

That's purely hypothetical.

For those of you who don't know, or who read my site through a reader (Hello!  I use Google Reader!  Please publish your full feed!), I'd like to mention that I have a sidebar application for Twitter, which I update (somewhat amusingly) a few times a day.  If I knew how to do a sideblog, ala:  Kerflop, then I would and save us all the trouble, but I'm unable.  

1 comment:

Bruce said...

It's hard to get back on track. I think struggling with that given our situations makes sense. You seem like maybe you're becoming happier, or at least looking forward optimistically, and that's important.

Most importantly, stay off the railroad tracks.