Friday, October 7

All Cat, All the Time

Ok, I know I'm turning into That Blogger. The one who writes about her pweshuss kitty-witty every five minutes. But some of this stuff is just priceless, and the other stuff I've been wondering about for Way Too Long.

Anyone else have a cat that likes to hump socks? And when the socks are available, they will bring them to you and ask you questions about how to make sweet, sweet love to the socks, until all of the socks are in the middle of the floor and he's gotten tired of them and gone in search of a Fuzzy Slipper? No? Let's leave that alone then.

What about Fuzzy Slippers? Fuzzy Slipper is Linus's favorite sex toy of all time. When he finds it, we know he's got it because he spends the next hour walking around with it in his mouth, asking us how to fuck it. My version of the question looks a little like this: "prrrr-HOW?" Repeat. Over and over again. Since he's now New and Improved, Less Testicle!, I've been letting him cart it around for longer than I used to. Seems to give him some peace.

Funny side-note: Bruce used to think he was really really pissed off at Fuzzy Slipper. He noted the arguments and the scratching and the biting, until I pointed out that cat sex is pretty angry and violent. Then he said, "Oh, yeah." Then he noticed the Little Pink Dong making an appearance and took away Fuzzy Slipper, swatting him a few times with it. But he was definitely not making a second-grader "Ewwww!" face while he did that. Nope.

There's also the matter of the single particle of food that Linus seems to require in his water dish at all times. I can't figure out if it's there by accident or on purpose, but when I have to empty and refill his water dish every time I look at it because of the floating, swollen kernel of Kitten ChowTM (most disgusting floaty ever), I tend to think it's on purpose. And that got me thinking to myself, "Self," thinks I. [pause for small polite laughter] "Self, do you think that perhaps it might be for flavoring?" And I thought about it a little bit more. Cats have a pretty limited range of food choices, and normally only one food is considered a "meal". So who's to say that if Linus was a person, he wouldn't be one of those people who like a little sprig of mint, or a slice of lemon in their water? Is it his fault that he's limited to Kitten ChowTM? Nope. So I'm letting him keep it.

Long story short, I'm not changing his water 1,000 times a day anymore.

Any of these behaviors sound familiar?


Tessa said...

My cats? Must have a twist tie, milk cap, food bit, or anything else around in their water at all times.

I found you from FUSSY and I 100% understand the fan + dark room = the only way to restful sleep.

Jess said...

Lance and Nimue take turns dropping particles of food into their water. When that's not enough, the graduate to toilet bowl or dirty dish in the sink water.

That's just nasty.

But then again, they also lick themselves clean every day. I guess toilet water makes them feel fresh.

sunny said...


I really enjoy Bruce's face when he catches Linus at the toilet. He also closes the lid on the thing, so that Linus can't get at it. (I, of course, feeling guilty at not changing his water 1,000 times/day, open the lid. At least there's nothing floating in there. Also, why not let him have his variety? It's probably good for his immune system or something.)

susan said...

Both our boys were snipped quite young, so there are no strange humping behaviors from them. Up until we switched them off dry food there was almost always a kibble or two in the water. Now Leo just likes to put his paper balls and my hair bands in the water instead. He'll put them in, take one or two swipes to try and fish them out, and then decide he doesn't like his paw wet, thus leaving the foreign floaty for Tom or me to remove. Very considerate of him.

Anonymous said...

hey girl did you leave a note on my diary? im at user name autumndestiny80
the note said Sarah, so i thought it was you. i wasnt sure if you knew who i was. bruce and i were really awesome friends back in the day. let me know.
amanda (porter)benz

LiVEwiRe said...

I have a cat that does that with water. Come feeding time, his voracious appetite turns him into a whirling dervish and food goes flying out of his bowl right into the water. Eventually I moved the eater bowl about a foot away... =)

Nowhere Girl said...

We had a cat named Truman after we got married. He would take this stuffed reindeer, turn it face down, bite the tail, and hump the head?!

Disturbing though we ironically have like 3 hours of video of it?! ha ha

HappyFunBall said...

OK, you remember those Tickle Me, Elmo dolls? You haven't lived until you wake up at 3 in the morning, to the sound of a ghostly, muffled giggling sound coming from the dark living room. No, not a band of Elmo thieves, looking to sell our furry friend on e-bay, but Lard Ass and his little pink appendage making friends with the little fucker.

My other cat has an inexplicable and unceasing hatred towards rubber bands and twist ties. She will climb, claw, scoot, whatever physical activity is necessary to get the foul little things, grab them one at a time, and drown them in her water dish.

sunny said...

I wish we could have snipped Linus younger, but ce la vie. Now we have an amusing cat who likes to hump. It's a trade-off.

Amanda, yup! That was me.

Truman was all about the reindeer head. In more than one way. Hillarious.

Tickle Me Elmo totally wins, though. Thanks to all the entries! ;)

LostNotFound1980 said...

I gotta say I have never seen a cat have cat sex with inanimate objects. Though, I have never even seen actual cat sex. Thank goodness for that. EWWWW.