Tuesday, October 11

And the Humping Continues!

I would like to draw your attention to this, because apparently it's author is feeling a little pissy that I didn't reply, but I was waiting for the right moment, because it made my week:
"OK, you remember those Tickle Me, Elmo dolls? You haven't lived until you wake up at 3 in the morning, to the sound of a ghostly, muffled giggling sound coming from the dark living room. No, not a band of Elmo thieves, looking to sell our furry friend on e-bay, but Lard Ass and his little pink appendage making friends with the little fucker.

My other cat has an inexplicable and unceasing hatred towards rubber bands and twist ties. She will climb, claw, scoot, whatever physical activity is necessary to get the foul little things, grab them one at a time, and drown them in her water dish."


That from the lovely (although highly ungrateful)HappyFunBall. And if you must know, Happy, I ran into the living room after reading that and almost pissed my pants telling Bruce all about it in that bad-storyteller way he finds so endearing. (HE DOES. BECAUSE I SAY SO.)
"So, like, remember that one post.. the one I just did.. my last post? About Linus and how he's always humping things and shit? That one? Yeah? [Increase prodding exponentially until acknowlegement occurs. When it does, continue on in same style, but with visable relief.] "Oh, good. Well, you know how I was talking about the Fuzzy Slipper and the socks? Well, HappyFunBall replied, talking about her cat? And she said, [Make air quotes.]"This one time? I woke up and I heard this spooky-ass giggling coming from the dark living room, and when I walked in there, Lard Ass was wrestling around with Tickle Me Elmo and his little pink dong."[Make air quotes again. Know that you're way off, quote-wise, but understand that Husband won't remember the difference.]"


I was planning to use another story to illustrate my bad-storytelling style, but I think this one will do - also, it draws the attention that someone's cat humping Tickle Me Elmos deserves. Well, all the attention I can give it, anyway. And fuck, that's a good fucking story.

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. When I told Bruce about Lard Ass's romance with the doll, he laughed even harder than I did, and when he could breathe again, he reminded me, "Isn't that the one that used to shake?" Lard Ass has some good taste, my friends. That I can say for sure. He's way more classy than Sock Man.

4 comments:

HappyFunBall said...

I didn't get a link.

sunny said...

Happy, Happy?

susan said...

My mom's cat is huge, but she'd kill me if I were to call him Lard Ass. I can barely get away with Tubby. ;) She's very concerned about her cat's dignity, apparently...

Very funny story though, about the Elmo. A little bit horrifying, but definitely funny. ;)

HappyFunBall said...

Well, as happy as I can be with only one link. I am calling your mother, though.