Thursday, February 3

Envy

Here are a few things I envy:


  1. People who know what they want. I'm jealous of the kids in 8th grade who didn't go home crying (not that I did, mind you. What a loser that would have made me!) after the highschool guidance counselors came in and told us we had to have our lives mapped out in three days. I'm talking about my cousin in specific - the one who told the family that she wanted to be an astronaut when she was 3, and who is now in Huntsville, Alabama going to college for astro-physics (or whateverthefuck you go to school for before you're a fucking astronaut).
  2. a3ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww,
  3. People who's kittens will give them THREE SECONDS OF FREE TIME in which to write a godforsaken blog post about them. And then they also don't spend the next YEAR trying to BITE OFF MY TENDER UNDER ARM AREA WITH THE FLAB AND THE BITING OH MY GOD.
  4. Guys who can grow facial hair. Not cause I think it would be fun or anything like that, but because.. well, damnit, it looks sort of fun. Also, they can change their appearance all the time, or go without shaving and it actually makes them sexier. I think I've mentioned this before but OH MY GOD, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
  5. People who don't feel like they could possibly eat ALL DAY LONG.

I've got to go, my fiance with the Very Recent Muchos Free Time is drawing feet, and he needs a model. I'll cover up my dysfunctional little toes, and hopefully he won't be into details. Like toe hair. Not that I have toe hair, because Oh My God, How Gross And Unladylike. Eww.

9 comments:

Cal the Wonderdog said...

Wow. Years (and years and years) ago, says my human, his high school guidance councilor told him he should become an accountant. (dramatic pause and then uncontrollable laughter!!!) If you could know his personality like I do, you would laugh even more thinking he could be an accountant. Not that he can't count, cause he can. But it seems that humans that like to guide other humans never seem to look at the whole person.

Dogs are like that too. The dog next door sees me and he pictures the bones in my back yard and how he wants them. When he looks at me, he glazed over, starts salivating and I wonder if he is imagining that my head is a giant bone or something.

Anyway, about my human, instead of becoming an accountant like his councilor said he should be (based on looking at about 1% of who he was, my human went out on the road and played music for years and years and years.

Now as for me, I'm not sure what I want to be when I grow up. But as long as it involves eating, running, playing, eating pooping, eating, playing, sleeping and eating (did I say eating?) then I'll be happy.

Oh and if you had toe hair, I would think that's cool. Well, 'cause I have toe hair and stuff. In fact I have face hair and butt hair and ear hair and neck hair ' cause I'm a dog and all . . .

Cal

Jess said...

The most interesting people I know are the ones that don't know what they want to do with their lives. If you don't know what you want to do, then you can call yourself and artist. And everyone likes an artist.

Miss Wired said...

I have no idea what our careers counsellor advised me to pursue. I still have no idea. Well, actually a couple of vague ideas but nothing set in stone.

retarius said...

facial hair ithces, it's not that cool. damn kittens grow up to be cats who annoy you the same but arn't cute anymore. hairy toes are sexy to a hobbit, or people who like hobbits, so you got that going for you.

Jay said...

Whoa, toe hair, that's serious!

LostNotFound1980 said...

I envy penises.

B said...

You're feet are just perfect. After careful inspection, I didn't find any hair that shouldn't be there. Nothing you could braid. I'm the only one allowed that. ;)

SJ said...

What in the hell is #2 all about?

sunny said...

#2 is regarding #3.. in that the FREAKING CAT WOULDN'T LEAVE ME ALONE TO TYPE without stepping all over the FREAKING KEYBOARD.

God, I love all the replies! Thanks, dudes. :)