Tuesday, September 20

I Can't Think of Good Titles Anymore

I gave my mom my blog address a few weeks ago when she was hopped up on screwdrivers, and then she went for two weeks without a computer, and now that she's gotten all the new cables for her old computer which she's setting up on the porch where my computer used to be after putting all the cables on the curb while moving my brother who used to use the computer at college but no longer needed and was sending back home for her and now I don't know if she's even wrote my address down, because she was that tipsy - to be fair, so was I, hence the giving of the personal and vulgar blog-address, not that my address is vulger, just the things I write sometimes - and I'm a little confused and scared and trepidatious about when she's going to come here and what she might find when she gets here and I also just remembered that I have my brother's blog (which I think he's forgotten about) in my sidebar and it's got some slightly sensitive material that I'm not sure she'd be totally cool about reading in it, and I think I should take that down and hope that she didn't: a) come here without letting her presence be known to me and b) figure out how to click on links since I lived with her and had to show her how to read again, now that it was written on a screen and not on a pad of paper.

Welcome to my brain. Now you see why I can't sleep.

I dropped Linus off at Miss Molly's house this morning before work, and BOY HOWDY that was fun. First of all, he didn't quite forget the trip to the vets in the space of 3 days like I'd been secretly praying for, and he was all nervously thinking he'd be poked with stuff and have to hold in his poop for way longer than he should. Then we got there and went inside, and I foolishly thought that instead of introducing him to Miss Molly first, I would set him down on the living room carpet and let him sniff around for a little while, to acclimate. Instead, he put his belly directly onto the floor and made like a boot-camp soldier, speed-crawling into the laundry room and behind the dryer, where I was informed later that he stayed until 4 pm. At least he's determined.

Fortunately, now he and Miss Molly have made bestest of friends, and he's not letting her walk anywhere without trying to make her stumble, and playing with all the new toys she bought him (yes, for a 2 day stay at her house, isn't she sweet?) and eating Fancy Feast like a fucking movie star.

I'm alternately ecstatic that he's so happy and at home in a strangers house, and proud that we've raised him to be sort of social and friendly, and on the verge of tears thinking that he's going to be pissed off when I go to pick him up tomorrow night, and then beg me to take him back to Miss Molly's where he's appreciated for the movie/rock star that he so totally is. Especially after Mama is so mean and asks the vet to cut of his little balls so that Dad doesn't have to see him licking his little pink dong in the middle of the living room floor anymore.

See? Correct use of the word.

God love the people in this state, but is this really a proper use of the word: "We used to pay fifty cents for a pack of cigarettes. Anymore, we pay $3.50." This is purely an example, but I heard something very much like it on a radio commercial the other day. Can't you just say "Now"? I'm really annoyed with myself for actually writing this down, but it confuses me more than anything. Is there a reason? My brain isn't working it's way around it. The word doesn't have the same meaning to me as it seems to have down here.

2 comments:

HappyFunBall said...

Good Blog Titling: 101

Pick a theme in your post and use that. Ex.: Pink Dong, The Witch is Dead. Ok, so that wasn't the greatest, but those cannot do, teach. Shut up.

Also, just a wee bit of TMI: although they cut off the balls, the pink dong still makes appearances. Or at least it does in my cat, and he's been fixed for over 10 years, anymore. ;)

B said...

I guess I'll still have a reason to yell and throw things then...;)