Tuesday, September 20

"I Totally Hope I'm Still Ovulating When My Daughter Goes Through Puberty"

The Linus is back from his adventure at Miss Molly's house, and tomorrow morning he goes to the vet to be de-nutted. Apparently not de-little-pink-donged, though. I knew it wasn't being done away with, I just didn't know that it'd still be worthy of such intimate oral attentions. Thank you, HappyFunBall, for ruining my fabulous illusion of a dong-free world after tomorrow.

I bought two bottles of wine tonight to use as a model for some things I'm making some people for Christmas this year. And then I drank one, and went back for the second one. Will inform you if White Merlot is better/worse than White Cabernet Savingon. It smells a little pretty much identical. Now for the taste-test. Worse, definitely worse. Yet I drink it. I'm such a booze-hound.

Do you prefer booze-hound, or lush? I have a lingering suspicion due to my college roommate that "lush" is sexier, and yet, damnit, "booze-hound" is comedic gold. When it comes to sexy vs. comedic gold, I'm going for the latter every time. After all, I'm married.

By the way, my husband wrote the sweetest thing about us the other day, and it made me cry and kiss him more. Which I'm pretty sure was his intention. That bastard, always making me cry. Ignore that if it sounds like PMS, it probably is. ONLY DON'T TELL ME THAT. I'm that girl who was on the verge of tears once a month who totally kicked anyone's ass who opined that it possibly could be PMS. And then I went home where my mom was having PMS and we clawed each other's eyeballs out every night that week, and then shared a pan of brownies and cried about how sad those shows on all those channels were. And hugged. And then screamed at each other, and then went to bed. It was great. I totally hope I'm still ovulating when my daughter goes through puberty. Keeps the men on their toes, it does.

So, anyway, Linuses are being removed of their testicles tomorrow. Also their front claws. Because we are heartless people and refuse to let him out of our home EVER EVER EVER. We're just that selfish. Also, I do not wish to have a debate about declawing him. Thank you.

Ok, that's enough for now.

PS: I totally need a gay male friend. Does anybody know of a site I can go to to find one? Like a dating service, only you're looking for gay males in your area to knit with you and talk about boy troubles with and tell you you're fabulous? That would be awesome.

3 comments:

B said...

It seems as though Linus might actually be keeping the claws. Face it - we like pain.

HappyFunBall said...

You're denutting Linus. Why not let him keep his claws, and he can be the gay male friend you so desire.

And there's the debate you said you didn't want.

Jess said...

Take the claws! Miss Nimue is getting hers removed here in about a week. No more clawing of my furniture! None! None!

And, I know what it means to have a gay man in your life. I've found myself some KC gays, and, man, does it make my life complete. I missed my M, the STL gay. Sigh.