Thursday, September 30

I love being the type of person that people feel like they really know, even when they don't. I like being that friendly person.

Sometimes, though, I feel like the odd-man-out. Just because people think they know me, doesn't mean they do. Am I more honest, because I let others see a teensy bit of the real me? Or am I less honest, because that teensy bit is highly controlled, and debated over, in my mind?

Also, it makes me feel like a fraud, though it shouldn't. When I let people in, it's always the little part of me that I believe they will appreciate. I hate showing those parts of me which I know might be misunderstood. My co-workers feel better, thinking they've got me all figured out, so I let them think that. My friends, my true friends, think there's always something new around the bend, and I let them see a few of those new things - to keep them guessing.

My Fiance knows the most about me that any one person has ever been privilage to, and he loves every bit of it. At least, that's what I'd like to think.

I sometimes wonder if I'm selling myself short, by being only a portion of myself, to nearly everyone I meet. But then, at other times, I see how much I affect people, and I want to continue what I've been doing. It's an odd cycle.

I like being me, and I like being able to show me to people. Even if it's just a teensy bit at a time.

Does anyone else have any similar social dillemas?


B said...

You're good with people. You can tell what they think/want/need when it comes to their perception of you. Many people can't see that, but you can - you just don't let them know that you see these things necessarily. That is good of you, in many ways. You're one of those sort of people that brings comfort to others in many different ways.

What I really like is the times when you (by "you", I mean anyone)are just yourself totally and people still feel you and see you the way they should. You can't always do it, because not everyone deserves that side of you, and they might not be able to connect with that side of you. The best people are the kind that adapt depending upon the situation or the person.

It's even more rare that any one person knows someone totally. I think that happens with people that know each other well and connect in such a deep, and meaningful way. You're not selling yourself short by showing only one side of you to certain people. Not every one deserves all of you. It's difficult to let someone in on that, in most cases. You're capable of a broad range of emotions, and being able to show specific faces to specific people is not selling yourself short, it's another testament to the sort of person you are. That is something to be happy about and maybe even proud of... you are a Leo, after all.

inediblehulk said...

I've never felt like I really knew you, Sarah, if that makes you feel better. I know enough about to have a good chat every now and then, but I've always been aware that behind the screen and over the line, there's a person sitting there who seemingly despite her best efforts, is always going to remain unplugged to an extent. And that's how it should be. Anyone who devotes the time and effort to transcribe their entire being into instant messages and posts isn't likely to be interesting enough to get much through anyway. Not saying I don't remember things you've told me about yourself, and that I haven't become used to your style of writing, but nobody can totally know anyone, especially through two computers. As for social dilemnas, I once puked in our Mayor's yard...does that count? :>