Friday, March 24

Now, With More Patriarchy Blaming!

Here's the post on MIM's site, the one that spawned all of the Other Posts. Oh, and here's MIM's Follow Up.

Here's something else I think you will enjoy. So, er, Enjoy!

I was slightly inebriated last night when I wrote that last entry, and I hadn't meant any anger to be directed at any one person. I am still angry, but I was never mad at L., because the only reaction I had to her story was sadness.

I am angry with the very idea of checking in with your husband before you change yourself. I am married, but first and foremost I am myself. There is nothing he will ever do to express his personality that could make me love him any less. I expect the same from him, and this is why I married him.

Because Bruce and I have a loving, friendly relationship, I will sometimes ask his opinion on the ideas I have for my hair. (This is an example, bear with me.) I will not tolerate him telling me that it's not fair for me to want to get a haircut, because he signed up for me with long hair. That's absurd and medieval. I didn't want him to cut his hair off last summer, but when he said he really wanted to I did it for him.

God, if he stayed exactly as he was when we got married for our whole lives, I would divorce him. I mean, how boring is that? He "advertised" himself as a dynamic, ever-changing personality, and it's just "unfair" of him to stay exactly as he was.


Nads said...

That whole blog just made me angry! I liked it, no doubt because it got me thinking, but it makes marriage look like more of a business deal. This is the reason why people go on talk shows crying about how their husbands are cheating on them because they aren't the little size 6 like they used to be.

When I see a married couple put on weight, it makes me think that they are happy. I know a ton of couples that have done this. It just superficial for a man or woman to look at their spouse and say "I didn't marry a fat person, so lose the weight". You can talk about it, but it shouldn't be an issue.

Being 600 pounds is one thing, but gaining about 40 lbs. is another. Is this person even looking at the personality in the person she married, or is that negotiable. If she does lose weight and was smaller than when she got married, is that a perk for her husband doing a good job?

Wonderful post Sunny, it really got me thinking, and now I have to go stew silently. I....I don't get it.

sunny said...

Dude, I came home from the bar for some innocent blog reading, and that's what I came across. You can imagine how it ruined my buzz.

I understand what you mean, it's been on my mind for a few days. The concept is so freaking absurd to me. I can't even really grasp it.

Jess said...

I shared a summary of things with R when I got home from work yesterday, and he was just as flabbergasted as I was initially.

I suppose that everyone looks at the institution of marriage differently. Some see it as a "business deal," perhaps. I prefer to think of it as something more substantial.

While I mean no one ill-will, I will say that I don't agree. And, yes, my confusion and irritation flares up when I read those things. I guess it just proves that we're all very different in how we feel we should conduct our lives, both personally and in relation to others.

LostNotFound1980 said...

that woman is ridiculous.

Nads said...

Also we have to look into the fact that we all live in the midwest and see things a lot differently than the people that live on the coasts. And, the fact that some of the people that were giving some of their points were of the upper class sector. Now that is not bad, of course, but they would see things differently than someone from lower or middle class.

Still, I love all the discussion this topic brought up.