Yep, Still on THAT Topic

I might have been being overly apologetic when I wrote the last post - just like I was overly angry when I wrote the one before that.

Like you guys, I've been thinking about it a lot. I've spent many hours in the past few days just thinking about what the hell those people are thinking when they take their ideas about marriage and they warp them so much. It's completely different than the way I view happiness, and it feels like an affront to my whole being. I know that's not how they meant it, but that's how it feels.

I am angry. Like you guys, I'm glad I came across it. I'm not happy that it's taking up so much of my time to think about. I'm not particularly satisfied with the way other people love. But I'm happy that it gave me a window into the way other people live their lives. It's made me happier than ever to be with Bruce. I'm happier than ever that I held out for the person who was exactly right for me.

There's not a teensy, miniscule chance that I would ever be happy in a relationship like the ones I see described in some of those stories. Not a chance. I feel like I'm fortunate to have someone who doesn't look at my body as a status symbol. I'm happy in a relationship where I can make independent decisions on how to live my life - I feel that my relationship is strong because my partner believes in me. Believes in my equal role in our lives. After a few days' thought on the subject, I can say I'm happy for those folks, too.

I'm happy that they found people who agree with their view of marriage as more of a "contract". I'm happy with them for not settling for someone who would not live up to their expectations of beauty or of aptitude. I'm happy that they found people who they feel will push them to meet those expectations in themselves. If they need those pushes, then it's good they found someone who will constantly keep them in check.

Mostly, I'm happy that I didn't freak out and marry someone who would expect things of me when I was young and thought I should just get married. I'm glad that I had the guts to leave the relationship I had that was like that, and spend my time in solitude*. I'm very happy that I stuck to my guns and held out for my kind of partnership, even when the going got tough and I felt like I might not ever meet him.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm happy that she married that bastard, 'cause I sure as fuck wouldn't.


*excluding Lisa, but we weren't that close. We're not, despite popular belief**, lesbians.

**popular belief simply because we didn't like creepy drunk guys slobbering down our (collective) cleavage enough to find a ditch somewhere*** and just do it with them.

***True story. One of us actually got propositioned to find a ditch somewhere and just do it. How romantic, right?