North Pole, Earth
I have been a good girl.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Lisa's Office party. It was
Cam who spiked the punch with too much Budweiser Select. I can't help
it if I drank 45 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just
I thought it was funny when I put Lisa's pants on my head and danced
the polka on the chair while singing `Mary Had a Little Lamb'. I
didn't mean to break Lisa's vibrator and don't know why Lisa would
accuse me of murder.
I don't remember calling Jason's wife a smelly piglet---even though
she looked like one with lilac eye shadow and peuce lipstick!
And when I threw up on Joyce's husband's nostril, it was only because
I ate too much of that biscuits and gravy.
After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on
my way home and drove my chevy nova through my neighbor's attic. I
don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a whiskery
kangaroo and have me arrested for rape!
So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all stinky
and fat. And I'm really not to blame for any of this papery stuff.
Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!
Sincerely and unfortunately yours,
Sarah (Really a nice girl!)
P.S. It's only 897 bucks!