Monday, February 20

Not Every Girl

Not every girl is the sort of girl I am. I understand this. There are many things, and unique situations, that made me into the woman I am today: responsive, perceptive, sensitive, giving, nurturing. Perhaps someday I will tell you of all the things that made me into the woman I stand as today. The important thing for today's post is, however, that it takes a unique blend of person to be the sort of girl I'm interested in becoming friends with.

Not every girl will listen to the stories that surround your life without interjecting her own space upon you. There is a special, wonderful sort of girl who will listen when it is your turn to talk, and help you through your rough times. There's a special sort of girl who will buy you a shot when you need one, instead of bemoaning her own issues and trying to show you up.

Not every girl can put out her faults for all the world to see, and expect the worst in the people who reply. Even if she can, not many girls can accept the criticism that comes from making her faults known. Some girls can't acknowledge that the things they say might not be appealing to the whole world. The girls I choose understand that. They know the thoughts and feelings they have might not be the same as the thoughts and feelings of the rest of the world, but they put them out there anyway. They know that to the few that do care, reading about it will be worth it's weight in gold.

Not every girl will sit and chat away about the nothingness that is prime-time TV. Special few are capable of totally disconnecting and talking about the shows they watch and the reasons they love them completely without talking about themselves for a few minutes.

Not every girl is capable of looking at your life and realizing that while it's completely different from her own, there are things she can do and caring that she can apply, to make another girl's life worth it. Every second worth it.

Not every girl automatically cares. Some will analyze, interpret, and decide whether it's worthwhile for them to invest themselves or a bit of their heart. Those girls aren't of interest to me.

Not every girl fully understands themselves. Some girls know who they are and have gotten there through much fire, only to become more true to themselves and full of life, and will deny they suffered at all. Some girls go through only mild heat, claiming to have suffered the blinding heat of hell, and come through with the opposite. They end up full of themselves. This is not even close to what I'm looking for.

Not every girl can take the heat. Too few and far between are the girls who will willingly roast their cheese sandwiches on the fires of criticism and willingly embrace the toasted goodness that comes from the controversy. It takes a special and highly evolved woman to understand that she is capable of rising up through the conflict into higher glory.

Not every girl can take that conflict and turn it into something more. Some special girls are able to look at the darkest night and see a dawn. Some special girls will take your nuggets of truth to heart, and further themselves in their field through your suggestions. Not every girl, but some.

Not every girl is made of steel.

Not every girl will burn through the semi-soft exterior to red-hot iron. But those are the girls I choose to be my friends.

And, damn it, not every girl is a cushion of pure feathers, meant to blow away in the breeze if the slightest wind should blow. Not every girl will dissolve in the slightest warmth like candle wax. Not every girl is built around a solid core of rancid bitterness. Not every girl is incapable of love. Not every girl is incapable of friendship with a female. Not every girl is a bitch. Not every girl lies to get ahead in life. Not every girl will steal from you - whether it's your heart or your cash. Not every girl will use you to get ahead. Not every girl will fake an orgasm. Not every girl needs a man to show them how to live their life. Not every girl will take advantage of that man. Not every girl lives for making other girls feel bad.

Not every girl is confident in herself as a person. The ones who are can afford a friendship with another girl, not ever feeling second-best or better or judged. There are fine girls out there who can look at a girl and see nothing but a sister under the skin. No competition, no bullshit, no snide remarks. A few wonderful girls can look at a friendship with another girl as that - a friendship. And as a friend, they will never look at you in envy, only ever with the joy that true friendship will bring.

These are the women who have stood by me, as my friend. Choose your own, and choose well. They will guide you and nurture you. As a true friend will.


Brown said...

um. holy crap. was that ME you linked to?

omg i'm almost speechless.

well, i'm essentially speechless. and I was already feeling speechless with admiration when I read your post and I thought "oh my fucking god, this is one ELOQUENT chiquita"

so now I guess I'm just over the moon totally fucking speechless. heh

but really. you better copyright that post. because, it was some kind of beautiful.

LostNotFound1980 said...

OMG! Here I am not visiting for days and find a link to me!! I am totally flattered and speechless :-)

That is such a wonderfully written piece. You are a wonderful, unique, and warm person and I am glad you have come into my life!!! Thanks to B for having some sense to grab onto you and never let go!!!

Jess said...

I have to admit I was reading along and thinking "right on, sister!" when I came to the little links across the bottom. A peep of anticipation crept up my spine as I clicked each one. Maybe I'll know who they are. And then BAM! there was me. Can you even imagine how thrilling and wonderful that felt?! It was like winning an Academy Award for Friendship. Now, if only I had a speech prepared...

I consider myself very blessed to have found someone so wonderful to call a friend. B has always been a smart cookie, but I think he did a world of good simply by snatching you up when you came into view. It's amazing how when a few stars align you can find another amazing friend you never would have known if not for some random acts of chance. Thank Pete for the stars aligning the right way to bring you here.

I may not be speechless, but I am flattered beyond all measure. And I do agree with the other ladies--beautiful post, my dear. You're one classy lady.

Anonymous said...

im really glad you have found such great friends. three of them are my great friends also. they are girls that will lay on the line for you if need be, or be there when you need a good cry or to be silly.

one of these days when you guys come in town i might actually get to meet you. i have heard wonderful things about you, and any one that can tame bruce, must be a jewl. lets hope you guys get to come up for jessica's birthday, it should be a blast.


Brown said...

hahahahaha. an academy award for friendship??? that was awesome. AWESOME comment.

oh shit. what am i gonna wear????

and no, baybee, it's not going to be something you knitted. sowweeeeeee!

Brown said...

oh dear. the time of that comment makes me look psychotic. no. listen. i'm on pacific time. and it's 12: 02 am. and i promise i am going straight to bed as soon as i enter whatever the freakin crazy word mumbo jumbo thing is i have to enter. i promise.

Jess said...

I'm glad you liked that little nugget of gold, Brown. It's not often that I make an AWESOME comment.

Now, where did I put that piece of paper...

Lisa said...

HA!!! I was confident that I would make your list! Well written, my friend. As you know, it's all the things I look for in a female friend as well, but don't come across very often. And another thing...judging from the other comments, you've been bringing "Pete" into the lives of others! Now that's a true friend.