Real Conversations:

Waitress: "So, like, you're going to be taking those muffins home? You need a bag for that?"

Lisa: "TWO bags, please. (Waitress goes to fetch our bags, I roll my eyes at Lisa)

Lisa: "Wayne will be happy, he loves it when I bring stuff home."

Me: "My dad, too. (after a moment of contemplation)"Wow, everyone DOES think we're lesbians, don't they?"

Lisa: "God, I know."

Me: "Man, people are going to think we've broken up. They're gonna say, 'Man, whatever happened to that fine young lesbian couple? We only just see the one at the bars now. Shame.'"

Lisa: (laughing)"Oh, totally! If they ask me, I'll be like, "It all started that day at Perkins, when I asked for two bags. That's when she knew there was someone else.'"

Me: "She hurt me for the last time. I was so upset, I fled to Missouri."

Lisa: "And when you move back, people will ask you what's up. You'll say, 'I know we had something once, but I'm just not sure I can forgive her.'"

Me: "How could you do that to me, anyway?"

Lisa: "Dude, you expect me to believe you're bringing that home to your dad? How lame!"