Monday, June 28


(part of me thought i didn't need my patch today, almost didn't want to put it on, and then i thought about going to work, and the pervert boss, and the over-anxious trainer, and the stuff i've forgotten during the weekend.. and boy-o-boy, that sure helped me out. i slapped that motha-fucka right on.)

on to the topic i couldn't sleep over. augie was gone this

(don't you hate it when your exclamations of anger turn into whines? when you can say something out of anger, and a few seconds later, say it out of.. whiney-ness?.. i guess i'll have to just out with it. a few minutes ago, when i was writing about putting on my patch [and the giant band-aid over the top, cause the ones i bought were the Kmart, cheapo-brand, not the whatever-is-brand-name-for-good-reasons-brand, onto my ass, so that it's not conspicuous there, and because i saw it in a commercial for birthcontrol, and therefore apply it to my life, lol], i said, "FUCK!" cause something was weird about my the way it was feeling. the bandaid, not my ass. a few seconds later, when i realized that the bandaid was peeling off, and that if i left it like that, i'd be trying to fix it all day, and my perv-boss would be thoroughly enjoying watching me, i said, "awww... fuuucccck...")

augie was gone this weekend. i missed him a lot. i coaxed him up to nap with me before work, and i laid there, really thinking about the stuff i do for him, and how much i adore him. here's a few of the things i am to him, and why they matter so much to me:

Tick-Puller-Offer: because i detest ticks. i want to puke, when i think about them. because the rest of my family (though, obviously not enjoying them) doesn't have that same absolute hatred for them. and because augie knows i'm the only person who'll find them all, and that i'm the person to go to, when he's got them, that no matter how much i hate them, i'm the only person that's capable. because he comes to me, first.. he trusts me to ease his suffering. (this goes for the Eye-Booger-Taker-Outer, too, by the way.) not because i enjoy it, but because he trusts me to be the only one who can do it.

Sleep-Next-to-er: not because he snores, not because he takes up the bed, leaving me with 6 inches of space, and whines sometimes in his sleep, not because he's cranky sometimes, and kicks me without meaning to. not because i'm the only one who'll let him be that. those are NOT the reasons i don't sleep as well without him on the bed. it's because i miss his weight, his warmth, his presence. i miss that he's the first one who'll notice if something's not right with me. i miss him (when he's not snoring) sighing, because he's really happy that i let him be there.

Trust-er: because he'd never ever hurt me.. not intentionally.

i think by now you get a picture of why i had to get up and write this. because i realized a few things about what i want in a guy, or rather, how i want to feel about a guy.

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