Wednesday, June 30

The Itch

things aren't quite the same for me this week as they were last week. i'm not saying things are better (even though they are).. it's more like i'm seeing things more clearly. i'm walking taller, and going out of my way more often. i think i just got asked out at the grocery store.

last week, i'd have been thrilled. i would have gone all week, dreaming up scenarios, and thinking about all the things that could possibly go right, and i'd be excited and overjoyed, and just.. to enthusiastic to have a maybe-date with someone i don't know very well at all. i'd have gone, maybe ditched my friends to go, been slightly miserable, knowing i'd be less nervous and more relaxed and less guilty with my friends, at someone's birthday party, but i'd have gone anyway. probably, i'd have ended up talking (nerves), and the whole night would have been a disaster. none of that is anything i'd be willing to do, just to make out with a guy i barely know, who doesn't know a thing about me.

this week, i'm thinking clearly, and holding my head higher than i have before. my actions are not muddled with guilt, or with doubt. it doesn't matter as much, as the days pass, who's watching me. i know who i am, and for the first time in my life, i feel like someone knows who that is, and appreciates it. it's.. nice. i don't know what's happening, i don't know what can really happen. at first, as with most things, the obstacles are seeming to be huge and un-crossable. but i have faith. i have hope. and i know that things will work out, if they're meant to. far away is still far away, but i've always had a little dream in the back of my mind of meeting someone who already knew who i was.. and i didn't mean for that to make as much sense as it did, but it did, and i'm glad. i'm itching for something to happen.

it's not that i've never felt appreciation.. i feel like for the first time ever, someone who understands me appreciates me.

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