Wednesday, June 30


i think all of my overwhelmed has melted down into one big, fat, contented tired. i did say i'd write about something, so i will, it's not a pretty story, but some of them just weren't meant to be. it starts with, "i'd just turned 18..", which i think too many people would be able to understand, to be frank.

i'd just turned 18. i was in a bad spot, having (recently) broken up with a guy who hadn't really wanted me as more than a friend in the first place. i was "seeing" a guy who i had no business seeing, any more than she had any business dating MY ex. but life went on, and it kept being rocky. the guy i was "seeing" was at my house, and she was there too.. changing upstairs. he was doodling, and what he was drawing was really catching my attention, it stuck out at me, the way certain images do, sometimes. but it stuck to me in the oposite of what he was drawing. sure, he was drawing the same thing, the same wings, but he was drawing it broken. the image in my head was of it whole. i told him that, and he told me he'd happily draw me one that was the anti-doodle, so that i could get it for permanent. when i got it, i got it put to the left of where i'd originally wanted it, and i'm disappointed in the fact that i took advice from someone i've since deemed "not good enough for me". but when i think about it, i really do like the fact that i have it, and that it's a liberating thing, and that it was something i was feeling.

at times, i've thought about covering it up, but it's still always going to be there.. and i guess i'd rather have the world see it for what it is, and who i was, than see it for a patched-up-me. but that is ME, and that is different. i don't always take opportunities, and that is probably one of those things that is unique to me, even when compaired to someone so similar to me that it still gives me shivers. "only that which is the other, gives us fully unto ourselves".. just to give it a better, more concise explanation. i really don't have any words for me right now, and i can't believe it.

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