Tuesday, June 29

a Letter

Dear Mr Man Who i've Disregarded in the Past:

i'm sorry for the times at all of the jobs i've had in this town that i disregarded you. i'm sorry for all the people that are like me, and have disregarded you, and made you think you didn't have to think for yourself. i'm sorry for the times that i, and people like me, just did things for you, rather than take the time to explain things to you. i'm sorry for the time at the grocery store that i gave up trying to teach you how to use your debit card, because it was easier for me, at the time, to just do it for you. i am sorry that i aided in teaching you that you didn't ever have to learn anything about how things work, because the people around you were going to do your thinking for you. because now, i've got some bad news to tell you.

you are diabetic. you have a serious disease, and there's no one available to hold your hand through it. no one will test your blood-sugar for you, or tell you what the results mean. no one is going to follow you around, and ask you how you're feeling, and tell you what that means. you have to learn, now, how to use your lancets and what that "machine that pokes" really does, and what it all means. and you're old, now, and you know what they say about old dogs.

even though, deep down, i know that i couldn't have changed any of this, by myself, i still feel guilty. i feel guilty because i shouldn't have let you believe that people like me would do your thinking for you. i feel guilty because now, because of what i've helped to teach you, you're not going to understand something that is not only very important to your health, but it could be life or death. most of all, i feel guilty because people like me still don't have the time or the patience to explain why this is important. i feel guilty, because i'm writing this letter to ease my guilt, but i'll never send it.

good luck, and i'm sorry i can't be more patient.

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