Breaking Up

funny.  someone just made me think of something, and i don't know if i can explain it correctly.  every time i've broken up with someone, i've tried, honestly, to keep things simple, and explain to them exactly my reasnoing, and have a good relationship with them.  well, except for jeff.  the fucker.  but other than him, i've really wanted to avoid hard feelings and contempt.  just because i don't like to lose people.  i like to keep people around, people i've shared time and bits of my life with. 

on the same level, though, the reason i was breaking up with everyone was because they didn't understand me, they didn't get me.  we didn't have that connection, that thing that makes it so easy to stay together.  it didn't end the way i wanted it to, my relationships and explanations were never quite what they needed to be.. things weren't pretty.  and vice-versa.. they never gave me what i needed to feel whole again, or good again, after the split.  it was all very painful and horrible, really.  i'm surprised i made it past 19. 

i read something tonight that made me feel ok.  if i'd have ever read that, or heard it, i might have been a little more prepared to deal with seperating.  but i didn't.  maybe because that is the perfect thing for me to hear when it happens, even though i don't ever want to hear it - and deep down, it doesn't scare me, i don't think i will - but if i do, it won't be terrible.

the people who will tell you the perfect things when they leave you aren't the ones who will, and that's a shame.