Sunday, July 18

Sex Revisited

i wouldn't really call myself uncomfortable, really.  well, in a way, i guess.  thing is, i've never been really comfortable with someone, enough to really thoroughly explore.  however you decide to take that, i suppose.  on another level, i know myself pretty well.  i am comfortable with what i like.  i'm not sure how open i am do discussion on those things with the general population.  or anyone, i guess. 
the way it's worked in the past:  someone does something, i either like or dislike it.  i generally go along with it, if it's particularly painful or uncomfortable, i put a stop to it.  if it's just vaguely so, i sort of stick it out and hope it ended quickly.  if it was something i liked, i would be pleased, but if it was something odd (or that i thought was), i probably wouldn't be too vocal about liking it, didn't want to look like a freak, you know.  how stupid, i know.
i'm not saying that now, i've discovered how wrong that was, and i'm determined to be 100% vocal about everything from here on out.  but i'm determined not to let something happen that i'm not enjoying.  and if something happens that i DO like, i'll promise myself to at least say so afterwards.  without a sense of what i like, how can any guy hope to please?  sort of too much to ask for someone (anyone) to "just know".  don't expect me to go all wild-cat without any warning, though.  just because i'm turning over a new (more communicative) leaf, doesn't mean my inherent nature will change.  i've never really liked being the leader.  but given the reigns, and a little encouragement, i think it could be a beautiful thing.
not that i'm worried.


sunny said...

some of us have had almost 2 years to think about it. what we want, and what we can do without - how to change ourselves to get more out of sex in general.

some of us are practically born-again-virgins, for being pretty young. some of us don't really remember sex as a whole. we remember the act, and the basic mechanics. peg a into slot b and all that jazz. it's the subtler stuff we've all but forgotten.

we know what it feels like to like stuff - we've been refeshing ourselves on that feeling pretty consistantly. we know what it's like to have someone nearby, and unclothed. we know what it's like to have someone reallyreallyinthatsortofsamewaysortof close, but clothed. we like all of those feelings.

but we've got an idea that there's more to it than those things as seperate feelings. we seem to remember that when it all comes together, it can be pretty overwhelming. we know that the longer we don't have sex, the harder it is to do, if we know it means next to nothing.

B said...

It means the most when you realize that if you love someone, really really love someone, you are willing to make it right. You know that being with them and learning with them is what is important. Showing your love and what they mean to you and you to them is the point of it, I think. I don't think you realize that at first, but as you go through life and you learn more and you experience bad times or times that aren't that great. When you find out that a caress and a kiss is just as important as anything else, you realize there is much more to it than just the basic mechanics, and you're right, I think when things come together, its amazing. It has to mean more than just sex sometimes.

sunny said...

too many guys (at least too many of the one's i've been with) completely forgot that the stuff leading up to sex is just as great as the sex itself.

it's not that kissing is more intimate than sex.. it's just that it makes the sex so much more.

one of my exes, the longtermest ex.. he had it in his head that he shouldn't have to kiss me anymore, cause we'd been together for so long. it was the fact that he looked at it like a chore that made it hurt so much, i think.

B said...

Kissing is more intimate, in a way. I know it sounds strange to say, but it is, or it can be. It means a lot to kiss someone. It's intimacy in a different way. When you kiss someone and you feel that shock - like an electric shock that goes through both of you. It's something different from sex. All the things leading up to the act itself are so important, and can't be forgotten. If anything, the longer you are with someone, the more important that is, and the more you should want to do those things. I think the more you learn about someone, the better it can be. That is what it should be, not the other way around. That might be the difference between making love and having sex. Intimacy and real love. Feeling that for someone and needing to give them that as a way to express yourself.

Cleo said...

You guys may be too young to remember the Pretty Woman thing, or for it to have made the impression it did on me. But that was the big thing - no kissing. And yes, it makes a difference. My long-term ex never kissed me, looked at me, or really even acknowledged me. The sex sucked. And the lack of intimacy hurt, it hurt a lot. It's all about communication, verbal and non.

Once again - nothing to worry about, I think.