Story

following is a story that i told at work, a story that i've been telling at all of my "work"s since the day happened, and it's really a very special story to me, and one i feel as though i've told a million and a half times. i know that i've told at least one of you this story, but i felt the personal need to write it down and give it permanence. when i told it at the pharmacy, it probably got the best responce, and my boss told me it was the perfect example of a paradigm shift. i hope you all enjoy it.

when i worked for the vet clinic in minnesota, i gained a lot of experience. i learned a lot about people, almost more than i learned about the animals we were caring for. i learned a lot about their motivations, and about the emotions behind them. i enjoyed those people. i felt that i knew them pretty well. this story isn't about one of the people i enjoyed.
one monday morning, i got a phone call. "Hello, Suchandsuch Animal Hospital, this is Sarah, how can i help you?"
"When's the soonest that i can get an appointment?" ok, i could put up with this, it happened now and then.
"Actually, we're pretty booked for a few days.. how does Wednesday afternoon sound?" trying to keep the smile on, because i know you can hear a smile over the phone. she didn't have one.
"< big, exasperated sigh > Do i really have to wait that long? Well, i suppose." she was talking very fast.
"Ok, ma'am, well, it looks like we can do it as early as 2:00 on that afternoon, if you'd like." i was trying to give her something, trying to make her happy with what i could give her. "Would that time work for you?"
"Yeah, that's fine.. you're sure you don't have anything before then?" man, she really wanted this appointment ASAP.
"i'm sorry, that's the soonest we have." still trying to win her over, in my own way. "What is the appointment for?"
"I need to put him to sleep."
"Wel.. Wha.. Ok, and what's your last name? And the animals?"
she gave them to me, and hung up. never had i had such a difficult client on the phone, and never had i heard one so incredibly complacent about their animal dying. i hated her. even moreso when i pulled the file on her dog, and realized that it was only 3 years old, and seemingly in perfect health. it made me sick, with despise, for 3 days. the rest of the hospital felt it too, but not to the same degree. they hadn't been on the phone with this woman, they didn't know the extent of her coldness about the whole issue. they couldn't know. i hated this woman.
wednesday afternoon came, much too soon. like all of our euthanasias, we set up the room. a blanket on the examination table, a box of kleenex (i scoffed when i saw that), and complete silence, those were our ingrediants. we awaited her arrival.
she came in, led by an excited akita. he was wagging his tail, very excited at meeting all of us, and eager for the treats i gave him (trying not to let him see that i wanted to cry). i took out his file, and wrote the date, and "EUTHANASIA". the woman didn't say anything, she sat in a chair and stared straight ahead. she'd actually glared at me, when i was giving him a treat. i informed the doctors that she was here, and sat in my chair. i was cold, and shaking. i wanted to scream at her, ask her why she wanted to do this to an innocent dog. ask her what he'd done that was deserving of this. had he chewed up a chair in the kitchen? was there a spot on the rug? it was unbearable for me, to see this happy, healthy animal being sent to death, and not know the reason why.
the doctor came up front, and brought them around, to be weighed. the scale was right in front of me, and i watched the woman's face. it was like stone. after he'd been weighed, she handed the doctor a paper. "I need you to sign this, please."
the doctor took the paper with a questioning look. she read it, eyes skimming the paper. as they did, her face turned from pleasant to horrified. i saw it in her eyes, she was shocked, and upset. the woman was watching too. i could tell by the way she started to melt. she'd been tensing all of her facial muscles, and as the doctor's face turned, hers started to give way. by the time the doctor looked back up at her, with sympathy, the woman was crying.
"When did this happen?" the doctor asked her, softly.
"Last week," she replied, her voice as steady as she could make it.
"I'm so sorry," said the doctor.
all the woman could do was shrug.
i was overcome with such a huge wave of empathy that i couldn't stand it. i actually had to turn my chair away, because i couldn't stand to watch that. as it turns out, the dog had bitten a child the week before, and the police has issued her an order to have it put to sleep. the woman, i knew now, had been cold to me, had been like a statue because she was steeling herself. she knew it was probably one of the hardest things she would ever have to do, and she didn't want to be a wreck. she was trying to be strong, and that's why she was cold.

this is part of why i can't give people enough chances. i don't always know what drives them, only that most of the time, there's a reason for everything they do.