Friday, August 20

Because It's Needed:

here are the things that are good:

  • that glint, that my new friend talks about. the one i never put in that terminology, but always loved, regardless. the one i look for, that's there. it's a big part of why.
  • the artist inside. the thing in him that wants to create, that wants to do, that wants to make.
  • his hugs, and the knowlege that i'm comfortable being me with him, no matter what.
  • the easy flow, the way i make sense without having to explain everything. the way he lets me explain, anyways. the way he listens, and hears, and knows.
  • his kindness, and his ability to sympathize.
  • the easy way he smiles, the way he smiles all the time. the smile in his eyes, even when he's sad.

here are the things that are bad:

  • he's too small. he fits well, height-wise, but he's about as small as i am, around. at times, skinnier. i never ever want someone who i could possibly break. also, it doesn't make me feel as inherently safe as it should. his frame is too close to my own. (shallow, i know.. but i'm a little.. ok, a lot.. shallow sometimes.)
  • he's stubborn about things that drive me nuts. he's set, only in the wrong ways. his ways are not my ways. i can appreciate his ways, as a friend. not as anything more.
  • he's unrealistic. as his friend, i can support his music, and tell him he'll make it someday.. and still believe it. as anything more, i would be frustrated.
  • and lastly, and possibly most important, he says things, sometimes, that i know would hurt me, were i closer. anyone who says that.. who tells me that "it'd be so easy, if you just did it", without the soothing part of that person who is my perfect one, is just.. not. not for me, not my perfect one.. it's hard to explain.

there are so many.. infinate ways, in which he's not the guy for me.

[please understand that, while these are the reasons i couldn't be my happiest with him, they're also the things that endear me to him, as his friend. they might be, and are the reasons why i could never ever be completely happy with him, but they're also the things that make me grateful, eternally, that i won't ever have the chance to try.

i'm grateful to never have that chance with him because i know that they are him, and i don't want to change him.. but also because i could never be happy with him, as that person. i always knew there was something more than that, for me. i'm reassured, because i believe i've found it.

he's not my perfect, he's just one of those soulmates that i read about in a post, earlier today. (and if it helps, it's only the last paragraph of the aforementioned post that i want to share with him.)

also understand that while not everyone knew what you were talking about, i did, and this is not an attempt to make you feel bad, this is something i have a note on from August 4th that i should have posted about, earlier.]

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