i've always had a sort of aversion to children. any children. it's just something that came from not knowing quite how to handle them, i think. i'm still less-than-perfectly-ok with handling the smallest of them. always an underlying feeling of "Oh god, take him away before i injure him unintentionally!" involved.
a few years ago, i came to be able to tolerate the older kids.. from 2-8, they were fine. they are learning, exploring their world, and because i was older, they looked to me for guidance. i love them at that age(s) best, when they're inquisitive, and curious, and still playful. they're blissfully unaware (for the most part) of what others might think of them, and i love them for it. i want to be more like that.. i think that's what draws me to them. although, that curiosity has it's drawbacks, too.. sometimes, the questions/comments done in such a thought-free manner hurt my feelings.. or made me angry, because they hurt someone else's feelings. or my feelings were hurt for that other person, when they weren't hurt themselves at all.. prime example? one day (when we were camping), my second cousin (about 8 at the time) said to my mom, "Wow, you're really big." i think i've harbored secret resentment twards him ever since, and it's completely unwarranted.. i think. this is why this side of the inquisitive turns my stomach.
kids, when they're over 10, and under 16, still terrify me. they remind me of the times when i had hell in school, and out of it.. just for being myself. they make me cringe, i always think that they're making fun of me, just like i imagined they did when i was that age. it's calming down, though.. i've realized that it's not as bad as it appears. and i've come to notice that the way i am sort of includes me, by default, in their joking. i've let on that i know what they're talking about, and it's been met with great results.. for the most part. i'm less scared than i was, but that ripe (literally, actually.. wasn't this the time that no one knew quite what deoderant was for?) age of 12-15 still makes me a little nervous. i think it might be because they're nervous themselves, though.. that makes me feel a little more at ease.
due to my being terrified of children (mostly), for the better part of my life, i've been terrified to have my own. scared i'd break them, scared they'd be too curious about everything that's wrong with me, scared in general that i wouldn't be able to handle them. times change, however, and i've become a sort of mentor to my second cousins, and that helps me a lot. they look up to me, look at me as though i'm made from some sort of precious medal, sometimes.. and that always makes me happy. i try to set a good example for them, and answer their questions.. also, (in the case of one comment made this last time i saw them.. *cringe*) let them know what is an appropriate question to be asking. gently teach them what they shouldn't be saying that loudly.
due to my being terrified of children (figured i'd start over, after that tangent), i've always thought "NoWay". now, that feeling has changed a little bit. if it happens, it's not an absolute life-wrecker. HUGE step, from the mindset i have had in the past. believe me. it really is. it's not the end of the world, anymore. not if it's someone i can be scared with, being the father. don't freak out, i thought this a few years ago, came to this conclusion. lol.
3 comments:
"What is this deoderant you speak of?"
ok, it made me chuckle....
I remember that feeling. It still floats around. You know those little fuckers are talking shit about you, even when they aren't. Bastards. All that aside, its hard to get past that, but as you get older, you realize it doesn't matter and you are just you, and there is nothing wrong with that. If you are comfortable with yourself, its all good. You just have to think you're cool. If you do that, then you'll be fine. My Dad used to say, "I'm a legend in my own mind." Be a legend in your own mind (just dont let anyone know it) and you'll do well. That's what I do, and I'm pretty lame.
how about that for a tangent?
The nervousness gets weaker and further away the older you get. I could have said that and summed it up, but that isn't always my way, I suppose.
Kids are dirtier and stinkier than me (usually), so I don't have any opinion.
I have three kids, hence the idiot pseudonym.
They're both much better and infinitely worse than you can possibly imagine.
Defer the wonder until you have a permanent partner. That's not religious advice, that's just practical. You have to have someone to watch your back lest the little buggers put a dagger in it. They're sneaky that way.
Whoever that guy is, above my post, is damned funny. Children are terrifying and an unlimited experiment in how much you can screw up the next generation. I'm not saying that to sound mean, but to be honest. How many of us have at least one quirk that we've inherited through the method of rearing us that our parnents chose?
My personal favorite "corrupt the kiddies" story is this:
I have two goddaughters, ages 5 and 3, who are just way too much fun. I adore them. I have been told that when it comes to children, I have unlimited patience. Hence why I enjoyed teaching elementary art for two weeks straight. Anyway, the story. We were at my aunt's house last December baking Christmas cookies as is our family tradition. The cut-out sugar cookies were finally ready to be decorated, so we all plopped down around the table in the kitchen. Kenzie, who is 3 and the cutest little girl in the whole world, climbs up into my lap and starts decorating cookies that no one would like to eat. I start to help her make her messes and we're sitting there decorating when my sister, who is 16, asks us for the green frosting. I whisper in Kenzie's ear "Say no! I'll kill you!" Does she say it? Oh, yes. Her little mouth opens and the words pop out, "No! I kwill you." It was beautiful. Especially since her mom, my cousin, was standing right next to us and couldn't figure out where she'd learned to say something like that.
Okay, this is a long response, but I couldn't resist. They crack me up.
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