Wink

my cousin michelle does it. i always thought she did it too much.. then i realized i was jealous, and that it was something i wished i could do, the same way she does it.. without really thinking.

then, all of a sudden, a few months ago.. i realized i do it in the same manner as she does. i wink without second thought.

it's an odd gesture. it's intimate, without much effort. people don't know how to take it, sometimes. they're not sure how to react, when you out-with-a.. especially when you do it without realizing it.. they don't always know that that's the case, and sometimes, they take it too far. i'm glad you don't.

i wink at people i don't know from adam (who is adam?!?). i wink because i have an inside joke with myself, or with you, and because i want you to know i'm aware of the funny thing that's just happened. i wink because i want you to know that i'm aware of things, that i'm aware that things might be taken differently than the context, or to let you know that i'm fully aware of the idiosyncracies that are occurring. i wink to let you know that you're not alone. this goes for everyone. i wink at everyone, to let them know that they're not alone.

some people look at me the way i used to look at michelle. they see me, and my winking eye, and they don't think that i have any right to be using such an intimate gesture on them. and you know what? it doesn't bother me, when they look at me with that look. because i used to have it, and i know where it comes from. maybe, in a few months, they'll realize that they're winking subconsciously, too. maybe even give me the credit for it. that's a happy thought.