Grateful

i took a nap, a short one, but it was a nap nonetheless, and talked some things through with a wonderful person, and read something a wonderful person had to write about crappy days, and it made me think a little more clearly about the whole mess. there are many bad things that are happening at work (the biggest of which is, i'm training people, when i don't feel completely competant yet, myself), but this too, shall pass (have i mentioned i think i might be losing some of my hair, due to stress?). in the meantime, there are many many things for which to be grateful:

1. the two girls whom i am training are bright, and funny, and are interested in making things run as smoothly as possible, given the circumstances. they are motivated when it comes to making things run smoothly in the future; they want to help me do what i can to make that possible. they respect me, and like me. the shroud of authority i'm weaving around myself is decieving them, for that i'm eternally grateful.
2. the girl whom i am not officially training, who started around the same time as i did, is also accepting my leadership, and looking to me with her issues. she is frustrated, but calm, and i'm thankful that i've got her to be an example to me, even as she's learning from me.
3. the girls who've been there longer than me (other than the BigD) are also respecting my decisions, and telling me i'm doing fantastic, in spite of the obstacles. also, the BigD is going on a month-long hiatus, leaving me to hone these girls to the height of their efficency (muah-hahah) without having her there to sabotage my efforts.
4. i have someone who'll pick me up, when i'm having one of the shittiest days ever. i've got Karen, whom i can call when i'm at work, i've got my girls, who are wonderful and understanding, even when i'm on the edge of breakdown, i've got Karen's boss, who has a soft spot for me since i talked to him today - also probably because he's heard Karen speak highly of me, and i've got my little brother who can sense that something's not quite right even by the tone of my voice when i'm trying to hide it, and his great advice to help me through. and i've got him, the idea of him, the voice of him, the soothing of him, to listen to me and to tell me i'm wonderful, and send me off to sleep. i've got the prospect of him to wake up to, evermore. that's a splendid idea.

Robby told me to start tai chi, mentioned something ridiculous like, "Breathe in the harvest, let go of the corn"? sounds like drivel to me, but his, "Just leave it at work, sweetie," meant a lot. hard to do, but it meant a lot.