i don't think i'm ever going to quite feel like i deserve you. i might just do things like call and leave no message, for fear of sounding silly and obsessive. i might wait, tagging my phone to my hip, for as long as it takes for you to see your missed call, and have time to call me back. i might say wonderful things, and mean them at the time, but as time goes on, mean them less. then, when you take my word for it, and take your time with your day before calling me back when it's appropriate, i might be a little bit sad. it's hard to need someone who's faraway.

i went through some of the mail i've been putting on hold for a few months - just the bills, mind you - and i'm feeling extremely unworthy of anyone, much less you, who i think is.. splendid. evermore splendid, and undeserving of my crap. for those of you ambitious enough to read the past blog, you're familiar with this tone of post, because i felt like this a lot at the beginning, when i was unbelieving. i guess i just need more reassurances than most.. or about the same, only i think about it more often.

my face feels exactly the opposite of the days when i get to talk to you a lot. instead of my smile-muscles being sore, it's the forehead-worry muscles aching today. the silly part is, i'm sure that as soon as i hear your voice, it'll go away.